Is it…is it really April 15? Has the blessed day come at last?
Why, bless my soul — it has! It has! It’s Teabagging Day, everybody! It’s Teabagging Day!
Yes, that most sacred of days, when angry white men (plus a few token women, plus one token black guy) get together and proclaim how angry they are that they have to pay taxes, and all they get for it is roads, schools, courts, police, fire fighters, the military, safe food and medicine, a rudimentary safety net, a space program, weather monitoring, and about 50,000 other things.
Unfair! scream the white men, who are not only asked to pay taxes, but asked to pretend that women and minorities are their equals. Unfair! scream the straight men and women, who are really mad that somewhere, two men are fucking. Unfair! scream the rich, as they sneer at the lucky duckies who don’t have to pay as much in taxes, just because they only make 1/250th of what CEOs make.
What fun it will be!
Yes, we all know that the pure spirit of Teabagging Day has been undermined by its corporate origins, but hey, Valentine’s Day started out as a corporate holiday too. And what is Teabagging Day but the opposite of Valentine’s Day, a day we can all celebrate our hatred of our fellow man, our own selfish greed, and our anger that an inadequate black male is in the White House?
Yes, it’s very exciting. Already, the wise men and women of Teabagging Day are spreading out throughout the country to spread good cheer. St. Hannity is going to be there! And Goofy Glenn Beck! And the Hate Fairy, too! And of course, what is a Teabagging Day without a Dick Armey?
Neil Cavuto also may show up, I guess.
So come, my fellow Americans, let’s celebrate our hatred and mutual fear! Come, let’s pretend Barack Obama really is a secret Muslim! Let’s argue for the inherent superiority of the white man! Let’s babble incoherently about a grab-bag of grievances that mostly boils down to anger that the Republicans got smoked in 2008! Muffy, fire the help! Biff, move your money to an off-shore tax shelter! It’s Teabagging Day, everyone — the most wonderful day of the wingnut year.
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