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Half-Orc Welfare debated

Posted by Ampersand | September 24th, 2003

On the Oberlin alumni mailing list, I’ve often debated my old friend Bob Hayes, who is as far right as I’m far left. This morning Bob accidentally emailed something to the Oberlin list that was meant for a role-playing game list he also participates in. I thought y’all might enjoy the exchange that followed… even though I think Bob got the better of me.

My email to the list, quoting Bob’s mis-sent email:

Bob wrote:

> for an NME-equivalent in the phlogiston: some type
> of wood (bred by the Elves, no doubt, and highly
> prized) that reacts against the phlogiston - allowing
> you to row around, even out of the current.

More typical right-wing arrogance from Bob. Why assume the Elves are the only ones who can breed such woods? Given sufficient opportunity and education, perhaps funded by goverment grants, there’s no reason that half-orcs could do just as good a job of breeding specialized woods. What it comes down to is, Bob doesn’t WANT to spend his hard-earned tax dollars training half-orcs to breed phlogiston-reactive trees, and to my mind that’s just plain selfish.

Barry

Then Bob’s response to the list:

Barry:
> What it comes down to is, Bob doesn’t WANT
> to spend his hard-earned tax dollars training
> half-orcs to breed phlogiston-reactive
> trees, and to my mind that’s just plain selfish.

Standard hyper-egalitarianism, unmoored from quotidian considerations of genetics or reality. If half-orcs could breed specialized phlogiston trees - or even had any interest in that direction - wouldn’t there be some evidence of that happening in the 11,391-year history of the Realms?

Look, we all care about the half-orc problem. Attacking motives is simply a left-wing substitute for not having any workable policy ideas.

Bob ‘90

Geeky, us, yes.

(By the way, when I emailed Bob asking permission to post this on my blog, he responsed “Knock yourself out, orc-hugger.”)

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14 Responses to “Half-Orc Welfare debated”

  1. PinkDreamPoppies Writes:
    September 24th, 2003 at 10:30 am

    :)

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  2. --k. Writes:
    September 24th, 2003 at 12:05 pm

    Tell him to update his blog, already. Or get a new one.

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  3. Pudding Time! Writes:
    September 24th, 2003 at 12:06 pm

    Ten Kids In a Brand New Battle Wagon
    On Alas, a blog: Half-Orc Welfare debated: “Look, we all care about the half-orc problem. Attacking motives is simply a left-wing substitute for not having any workable policy ideas.”

    This comment was written by Pudding Time!.
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  4. Donald Johnson Writes:
    September 24th, 2003 at 12:13 pm

    I’m kinda rightwing on the topic of orcs–Tolkien doesn’t recount a single example of one that ever joins the good guys. Although as some commentator pointed out in a book I skimmed at B and N, Ugluk shows an admirable sense of duty.

    Hell, in a Middle Earth setting I’m pretty rightwing in general. Why bother with democracy if you’ve got natural-born leaders like Aragorn around, first spending time as a ranger before adopting the kingship? Compare Aragorn to the sort of leader we get in democracies today. Ugh. Long live the divine right of kings.

    But what am I doing hanging out with you geeks anyway?

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  5. (fka Amy S.) Writes:
    September 24th, 2003 at 12:41 pm

    Sigh. Meanwhile, someone started a thread at you-know-where about Scott McCloud’s dead car, and in the space of about five posts, it shows all the signs of becoming some strange dissertation about the homoerotic elements in *Knight Rider*, a TV show which I’ve never seen. And I’ve got no stance on the Orcs, either, because I’ve never read more than about 17 pages of Tolkein. :o

    Sigh. I’d love the Internet so much more if it wasn’t always shooting down my self-image as Queen of All Geeks. My entire life is a lie. [pout] It’s not fair. :p

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  6. Kevin Moore Writes:
    September 24th, 2003 at 4:16 pm

    I don’t know which is sadder: that you had this e-mail exchange or I think it’s one of the funniest things I’ve read this week.

    Yours in geekitude.

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  7. Amy S. Writes:
    September 24th, 2003 at 4:32 pm

    Kev, who’s stronger: The Thing, The Hulk, Thor, or David Hasselhoff ?

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  8. alsis37 (fka Amy S.) Writes:
    September 24th, 2003 at 4:33 pm

    Kev, who’s stronger: The Thing, The Hulk, Thor, or David Hasselhoff ?

    (Government, My Friends, is boring. We must not say so…)

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  9. Dan J Writes:
    September 24th, 2003 at 5:54 pm

    Two questions: How mad is the Hulk, and is David Hasselhoff singing at the time?

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  10. apostropher Writes:
    September 24th, 2003 at 8:05 pm

    Hardest I’ve laughed all day.
    That would be this.

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  11. Raznor Writes:
    September 24th, 2003 at 9:36 pm

    More to the point, are we refering to Thor the Marvel super hero, or Thor, the Norse God of Thunder. Because if the latter, then Thor all the way.

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  12. PinkDreamPoppies Writes:
    September 24th, 2003 at 10:10 pm

    Well, is that the grey Hulk or the green one? The intelligent Hulk or the “me Hulk, me smash” one?

    Also, are we talking about Gaiman’s Thor, Marvel’s Thor, the Thor of the original sagas, or the latter-day American reinterpretation of Thor the God?

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  13. John Isbell Writes:
    September 25th, 2003 at 11:07 am

    Brilliant.
    Germans love David Hasselhoff.
    One thing I miss in the LOTR movies is the poetry. Otherwise, I like them a lot. My 8-year-old nephew stunned me by saying they were OK, but unfaithful to the books. So I said my God, have you read the books? And he said: “No.”

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  14. John Writes:
    January 19th, 2007 at 2:03 pm

    Ahh the half-orc problem. All truely great-half orcs know when to claim the other half is elf and when not to…. espcially when conning gulible elves.

    John

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