Box Turtle Controversy
| July 13th, 2004Andrew Sullivan and the Washington Post quote John Cornyn (R-Texas) speaking about the FMA:
“It does not affect your daily life very much if your neighbor marries a box turtle. But that does not mean it is right. . . . Now you must raise your children up in a world where that union of man and box turtle is on the same legal footing as man and wife.”
Later, Senator Corwyn’s press secretary denied that Senator Corwyn used the box turtle quote. The quote was included in his prepared speech but he skipped it.
July 13th, 2004 at 4:23 am
Who knew that so many Republican Senators have bestiality fantasies?
This comment was written by Amanda.Report this comment to the moderators
July 13th, 2004 at 5:45 am
I plan to continue to refer derisively to “John Cornyn’s box turtle.”
He’s my senator, he’s a prick, and he deserves all the abuse I can throw at him.
This comment was written by Scooter.Report this comment to the moderators
July 13th, 2004 at 7:37 am
Box turtles are *darling.* I think Cornryn’s [speechwriter's] point (which is of course that gay men who want marriage frequently sun themselves on floating, rotted logs) would have been better made if he had picked something less adorable, like, say, a tapeworm, because frankly I can think of a LOT of people I’ve met I would definitely pick the box turtle over, which makes me wonder what’s so bad about marrying a box turtle, or, alternately, just what the hell is wrong with these people that I would rather marry a box turtle than them.
Although tapeworms don’t sun themselves, so really the whole analogy just falls apart right there.
This comment was written by Morphienne.Report this comment to the moderators
July 13th, 2004 at 11:24 am
The problem isn’t that box turtles aren’t darling. Or kind, moral or loving. The problem is that you simply can’t have children with a box turtle. I mean, even if it is of the opposite sex (as we can assume would be the case), how are you going to get it in? In either direction?
If the turtle were female, would there still be eggs layed or would the gestation be internal. If the human were female, would she lay eggs? And, if so, how would she know how to care for the eggs? That is just so far out of the normal human realm of experience.
Assuming that the turtle is the female, would she have the ability to care for the children which would, no doubt, be far more mobile than her?
If the turtle is male, how will he provide for his wife and three to six little boxturtlemen?
You can see why this must be stopped before it is ever started. It can only lead to a huge boxturtleman homeless population that exploits the welfare system for its own selfish purposes.
This comment was written by Jake Squid.Report this comment to the moderators
July 13th, 2004 at 12:29 pm
Moreover Jake, how would permitting people to marry box turtles affect the out of wedlock birth rate in the Netherlands? That is truly the most important question of all.
This comment was written by lucia.Report this comment to the moderators
July 13th, 2004 at 6:11 pm
The problem is that you simply can’t have children with a box turtle.
Aparently, Jake has never heard of Monsanto.
frankly I can think of a LOT of people I’ve met I would definitely pick the box turtle over, which makes me wonder what’s so bad about marrying a box turtle, or, alternately, just what the hell is wrong with these people that I would rather marry a box turtle than them.
Also, Morphienne really needs her own TV show. No laugh track, please.
This comment was written by Amy S..Report this comment to the moderators
July 14th, 2004 at 4:43 am
It might not change your daily life if your neighber married a box turtle, but I guarantee it’ll change life for the box turtle.
This comment was written by Trish Wilson.Report this comment to the moderators
July 14th, 2004 at 7:48 am
I hear box turtles are lousy cooks and don’t do any laundry or vaccuming. And in my mind, those three things are pretty darn important in a spouse.
This comment was written by wookie.Report this comment to the moderators
July 15th, 2004 at 5:16 pm
Well, it turns out that Charles Peirce thinks they are pretty spiffy. (You have to click and read this article. It’s side splitting.)
This comment was written by lucia.Report this comment to the moderators
July 15th, 2004 at 7:18 pm
Besides, if you marry a box turtle, when she’s finished raising the children, you can eat her.
This comment was written by Isaac Laquedem.Report this comment to the moderators
July 16th, 2004 at 9:34 am
Cornyn never said that remark about turtles. The Post ran a correction the next day, and Andrew Sullivan retracted it. Read a clarification here.
This comment was written by atticus.Report this comment to the moderators
July 16th, 2004 at 7:36 pm
Andrew Sullivan did not retract, but merely ran the statement by Cornyn’s press secretary. The box turtle comment were in the prepared statement, but apparently Cornyn did not say this while he was speaking at the Heritage Foundation.
Noone has done due diligence to double check with people attending this Heritage Foundation speech to verify the Cornyn staff claim.
This comment was written by Eva Young.Report this comment to the moderators
November 8th, 2004 at 11:50 pm
Where can I follow up for more information
This comment was written by Jen C.Report this comment to the moderators