Smile, Damn You, Smile
| October 7th, 2004Sheelzebub of Pinko Femnist Hellcat has written a terrific post about telling women to smile (recent “Alas” posts on that topic can be found here and here). Here’s a sample, that I think cuts directly to the heart of the matter:
What is surprising is that so many people in these discussions don’t get just how entitled one must be in to order a perfect stranger to smile at them. At the very least, it’s rude, boorish, and rather obnoxious. It says a lot that a random man feels he has the right to try and dictate how a woman arranges her facial features. It says a lot that it’s considered no big deal for a woman to be expected to change her expression for a stranger’s comfort.
Do you command random people to sing for you? Dance for you? Tell you a joke? Why is it okay to order a woman to smile? And why is it so terrible for her to resent this?
Sheelzebub also quotes Mary’s comment posted on Alas (Mary is the blogger behind Naked Furniture).
Last year in college I took a polisci class on feminism, and one of our assignments one weekend, after having read a piece by [Miss Manners], was to go out and basically do something that you wouldn’t expect someone of your gender to do. Most girls did things like open the door for their boyfriends or pay for dinner, but I went out and told random men on the street to smile. I’m Southern and a manners stickler, but let me tell you that I never had so much fun being balls-out rude in my LIFE. You’d think I had actually said something like “Did you know your penis is very, very small?” They were just appalled. I wouldn’t ever ADVISE doing the same thing, of course…but if you should ever happen to try it, in the interest of SCHOLARSHIP, you know…
October 7th, 2004 at 3:11 pm
As a visibly disabled person using a wheelchair, I have often been told to smile. I don’t believe it is about gender in my case because most of the sexist things male strangers attempt with women rarely happen to me — being neuter in my wheelchair and all. Sometimes it has been women telling me to smile, but the vast majority have been men.
Conversely, there have been at least two occasions where I was with other disabled friends and we were so clearly having fun we were told by male strangers that we were not disabled. Just like that, a declaration of WHAT we were not. Because sitting there in our chairs — laughing and grinning — we were obviously not their image of what we should be. Very curious. I’ve always thought these men were trying to square their sense of the order of the universe: disabled and sad, able and happy. Women must apparently be happy too.
This comment was written by blue lily.Report this comment to the moderators
October 16th, 2004 at 11:20 am
Smile! and Stranger
This comment was written by feministe.Recent conversations about telling random women on the street to smile, and worse, have been occurring at Alas, a Blog, Pinko Feminist Hellcat, and Jennworks. After last night I have a story to add. A friend and I were out on the town and decided to se…
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April 20th, 2007 at 3:11 pm
[…] The blogosphere previously discussed the phenomenon of men telling women they don’t know to smile. This more recent post sums up much of the discussion and delivers a stinging rebuke to the mood ogling smile evangelist set.Don’t mess with cancer patients. […]
This comment was written by Prettier Than Napoleon: Smiles.Report this comment to the moderators
April 23rd, 2007 at 10:26 am
hmmm never had that happen to me… did have a weirdo on a train tell me I had pretty eyes…
This comment was written by Torri.One thing I’d like to mention for the list is the expectation of ‘dirty language’ or just reasons not to use it. I have even today at 21 been told by my mother or grandmother ‘Don’t use language like that, it’s not lady-like’ and I think it’s one of the reasons I swear casually a lot today, it became an exercise of spite.
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September 18th, 2007 at 7:51 pm
I’ve had this happen to me multiple times, though more often it seems to be members of my own gender telling me to do so– what happens more is that I’m told to hold my features in a “pleasant” or “ladylike” expression when I’m merely wearing a neutral face, neither smiling nor frowning.
This comment was written by TheSleepingCreature.Report this comment to the moderators
March 2nd, 2008 at 5:32 pm
[…] de parfaits inconnus ne viennent pas me voir et me disent de “sourire” (Plus : 1 […]
This comment was written by grep|grrl » La checklist des privilèges masculins.Report this comment to the moderators
April 25th, 2008 at 8:13 am
To the man who says smile—
How about you frown for an hour and get back to me.
This comment was written by Dissented.Report this comment to the moderators