When you lay yourselves down at the end of the day for a long spring nap, situate a two-drawer sheet-metal filing cabinet between wherever it is you’re sleeping and wherever it is he’s sleeping, but close enough that you can reach it without getting out of bed. When he cranks up the chainsaw and starts sawing away, lean over (groggily) and whack that cabinet with everything you’ve got. The sound is enough to startle him out of a snore-inducing posture, but not so much that he’s startled into wakefulness.

Repeat as needed.

Of course, you’d have to be in the same room for it to have its best effect, and Satan could be a floor away and still cry out to God for mercy. And once I hit REM, you could drop a 747 on me (or, less extravangantly, a snarling catfight), and I won’t wake up. You might not be so insensate.

But other than that? Perfect gentleman. Never once made an attempt on my virtue.