Women’s Dilemmas in Black/White Relationships
| April 19th, 2006This is out of the Rachel’s Tavern archive. It is one of the Snippets from my Dissertation. Keep in mind all of these posts are snippets of a much larger piece of work, so feel free to add to things, ask questions or give critiques. I’d love to hear feedback from people. In my dissertation, I focused on family approval of Black/White interracial relationships. The data is based on 39 interviews with people in interracial relationships (conducted individually) and 5 interviews with the relatives of some of these couples, so this is where most of the focus will be.
My research is most concerned with how contemporary racism…also called colorblind racism or laissez faire racism…affects family approval of interracial relationships. However, we cannot understand how contemporary racism works without acknowledging the extent to which racism is interconnected with other forms of oppression. Multiracial feminist theorist Patricia Hill Collins refers to these complex connections as the matrix of domination. After interviewing couples it is evident that opposition to interracial marriage is not just about racism. The issues of gender and controlling Black women’s, White women’s, and Black men’s sexuality is ever present in the discourses that families use to oppose interracial relationships. One of the most obvious ways gender and race work together to affect interracial relationships is in the likelihood of intermarrying. Currently about 70% of Black/White marriages are between Black men and White women, which contrasts with the early half of the 1900s when most Black White marriages were between Black women and White men. Below I have highlighted a few of the primary issues facing Black women and White women in interracial relationships.
5 Dilemmas Facing Black Women in IRs
1) Of particular relevance in my interviews are controlling images of Black women’s beauty and sexuality. Many Black women married to White men worried that the stereotypes of Black women as sexually promiscuous would affect how their White partners’ families viewed them, and in some cases it very clearly had a negative impact on a White family’s willingness to accept interracial relationships. Black women also worried that the greater value attached to White women’s fair skin and straight hair put them at a disadvantage in the marriage market with both Black men and White men. There was often an underlying worry that even though they were partnered their choices to date or marry Black men and White men were much more limited.
2&3) The other two controlling images that shaped the experiences of the Black women I interviewed were the belief that Black women are domineering “bitches” and “gold diggers.” Many Black women in interracial relationships felt pressure to carefully monitor their behavior, so they didn’t come off as “the typical Black bitch who doesn’t know her place.” The idea that Black women who marry White men do it for money was also mentioned as a common concern. This affected both how they dealt with their family members and those of their spouses.
4) Family approval of interracial relationships is most likely lower for Black women than it is for Black men. Black women’s families had more objections to interracial relationships than their Black male counterparts. Many relatives of Black women (especially male relatives) tried to “protect their daughters/sisters/cousins from White men” who they felt would sexually exploit Black women. Given the history of White male sexual violence against Black women this is not surprising. However, family opposition also has the affect of denying Black women’s agency because their judgment is held up to much more scrutiny than Black men in interracial relationships.
5) Black women who entered interracial relationships also worried about being alone, a phenomnon facing many Black women today. Since the gender ratio of African Americans is imabalanced, many Black women saw White men as a “whole new world of men” who they could date and marry. Considering White men was a way for some Black women to keep from being alone.
5 Dilemmas Facing White Women in IRs
1)When it comes to Black/White interracial relationships my research indicates, that White women face the most family opposition of all of the race/gender groups. The tactics used to show opposition in White women’s families are often more extreme. They appear to be the group most likely to be disowned or disinvited when they enter interracial relationships.
2) Many White women indicate that their relatives feel Black men were sexually aggressive, threatening, and irresponsible. When White families opposed White women’s interracial relationships, they often felt that they were protecting White women from Black men and from White women’s own naivety or passivity.
3) Unlike Black women who are stereotyped as “bitchy” and “aggressive,” White women are stereotyped as naïve, passive, and weak. This controlling image of White women affects how White women’s relatives and their Black male partners’ relatives view their relationships. Many White women’s relatives felt the need to intervene because they think White women are too naïve to know what they are getting themselves into and too weak to defend themselves. Their Black partners’ relatives worry that White women will be too weak to defend their partners or their biracial children against racism, and they worry that Black men have chosen these White women because they are looking for a women who will tolerate a subservient position, something many Black families think Black women will not do.
4) White women’s families not only question Black men’s sexuality, but they also question the sexuality of White women who enter interracial relationships. Even though White women overall may be held up as the epitome of beauty and sexual attractiveness, White women who had relationships with Black men were not viewed in this way. The most common notion is that White women who have relationships with Black men are sexually loose or tainted.
5) Some White women’s families worry that an interracial relationship would make them less attractive to White men after they were “left all alone” by Black men. Implicit in this belief is that White women’s interracial relationships won’t last, and when they do end, White women won’t be able to find anyone to date or marry.
I have much more I can add. I guess it will be out in a book someday, but I think this can be a jumping off point…. What do you think are some of the dilemmas women in interracial relationships face?
April 19th, 2006 at 11:27 pm
One problem white women occasionally face in interracial relationships is that they often feel closer to black culture and people through their relationships, but that closeness is not always reciprocated. That can be a painful surprise for a woman who thinks herself to be special (because she is “progressive” enough to date across color lines) and she might expect others to also see her as special.
A problem black women sometimes face is the assumption that they aren’t loved by their white partners, but instead are merely fetishized. Hearing this kind of thing can sometimes lead to insecurity and distrust in the relationship, thus inadvertently creating an atmosphere that could sabotage it.
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April 20th, 2006 at 1:49 am
Interesting post.
“Since the gender ratio of African Americans is imabalanced…”
This seems a bit like the “disproportionately White” comment of a different thread.
Is there some holy stelae somewhere on which the proper proportions of whiteness and the correct balance of the sexes is inscribed?
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April 20th, 2006 at 3:43 am
4) White women’s families not only question Black men’s sexuality, but they also question the sexuality of White women who enter interracial relationships. Even though White women overall may be held up as the epitome of beauty and sexual attractiveness, White women who had relationships with Black men were not viewed in this way. The most common notion is that White women who have relationships with Black men are sexually loose or tainted.
Isn’t there also a stereotype that white women who date black men are less attractive than other white women?
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April 20th, 2006 at 4:31 am
I’m a child of an interracial marriage , so my perspective is skewed accordingly. No matter who I choose to date or befriend, someone sees my relationships (and those of my sibs) as being interracial. My colouring and features contradict each other, and people tend to assume my background by classifying me as “us” or “them.”
Those who are multiracial occupy a strange space, I think. I’m not sure how relevant this is in the scope of your study - you seem focused on relationships between Black and White in the US. I thought I’d throw in a few Canadian pennies.
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April 20th, 2006 at 5:27 am
I don’t have a lot to add in the way of additional perspectives; but I would love to read the whole thing when it’s done.
Robert brought up a point, though: I’d like to see just a few numbers on the gender ratios of Blacks and Whites [keeping in mind that you might have included tons of them in another area of the dissertation that's not reproduced here]. I do know from studying the criminal justice system that there’s a disproportionate number of young Black men in jail and prison, which I imagine would account for a lot of the disparity in the gender ratio.
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April 20th, 2006 at 5:35 am
Rachel - great points. I would have to say that based on my family’s experience, your points are largely valid.
Nina - exactly.
When my White cousin married a Black woman (back in the 1950s), I am told that it caused quite a stir, but they moved to Egypt shortly after the wedding and didn’t return until the 1980s. Their son (who is roughly my age) married a Korean woman about 10 years ago. He told me later that he caught so much flak from friends and family from dating either White women or Black women that he decided fairly early on that he would only marry someone who was not Black or White.
When my White sister and my Black brother-in-law announced their plans to marry, my parents held out a lot longer than his parents did. My parents’ stated reason for their opposition was that they were afraid the marriage would adversely impact my sister’s career (she was tenure-track at a large university at the time). I don’t know what their real reason was, but it was the one they felt comfortable saying out loud. We also noticed a distinct generational split in responses to the marriage - for the most part, my grandparents were extremely opposed, my aunts and uncles were split 50-50, and my sibs and cousins were all for it. So maybe those of us who were born in the 1960s forward are more accepting of interracial marriages?
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April 20th, 2006 at 8:48 am
I’m a white woman who has been in long term relationships with black men. My daughter is biracial and I can tell you that I got a lot more flack from my family than her father’s family. Every member of my own father’s side of the family completely disowned me. None of them have ever met my daughter.
Yet her father’s family don’t treat her any differently because of my race.
I do know that her aunts don’t like black men dating white women “because there aren’t enough good black men and the good ones always want the trophy white girl”. They stigmatize any black women they know that have dated white men (I’m referring to one specific family, by the way) because they think they’re betraying their people. They don’t, though, treat the children any differently. And that’s to be admired.
The funniest part of that is the white people I know who are against interracial relationships use the same kinds of arguments. My husband is white and when we first got together he told me he thought that all the good white girls were dating black guys. He also thought I would leave him for a black guy (because of that “once you go black….” thing). Yet here we are happily married. He accepted me and my daughter and so has his family.
Another thing I’d like to mention (as this comment gets out of control), my daughter is 15 and because of the treatment she’s received from my family she completely disregards her white heritage. Meaning that she doesn’t consider herself biracial- “just black” she says.
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April 20th, 2006 at 10:06 am
Keep in mind all of these posts are snippets of a much larger piece of work, so feel free to add to things, ask questions or give critiques. I’d love to hear feedback from people. In my […] Continue reading at Alas, a blog … posted10:50 pm at Alas, a blog
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April 20th, 2006 at 10:57 am
Robert, the “correct” gender balance within any race is assumed to be 50-50, for obvious reasons. As Frida noted, the disproportionate number of black men in prison skews the balance away from this. I’ve seen the numbers; I forget what they are, but the shortage of men is significant.
Regarding stereotypes: I’m not aware of one which says black women are any more promiscuous than whites. The black sexual stereotype I am aware of is that black men are better lovers than white men. What would follow from this, I would think, is that a black woman with a white man might be seen as a loser, “not good enough to get a black man”. Does this ever happen?
Regarding the “gold digger” perception: I think that comes into play whenever a woman marries a man significantly wealthier than she is, regardless of race. It’s just that due to the economic status of the races, this is more likely to be the case if she’s black and he’s white.
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April 20th, 2006 at 11:26 am
Robert, the “correct” gender balance within any race is assumed to be 50-50, for obvious reasons.
Perhaps you could share those reasons with me. I don’t find them obvious.
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April 20th, 2006 at 12:18 pm
Hey, Rachel, I am without time to participate in this thread really but wanted to say I found your post interesting and accurate. I guest edited (with the collective) the upcoming issue of Off Our Backs on “Feminism and Motherhood” –it will soon be on newsstands. In that issue is an article I wrote about being interracially married and raising biracial (black/white) children (I have nine, the oldest is 34, the youngest is 15, all are my biological children). You might be interested in checking out that article.
As to this:
That can be a painful surprise for a woman who thinks herself to be special (because she is “progressive” enough to date across color lines) and she might expect others to also see her as special.
I think that rejection, or perceived rejection, by people of color hurts those of us who are white and biracially married not because we think we think we are “progressive enough to date across color lines” or because we “expect to be seen as special,” but because (1) rejection is always painful, regardless, no matter who we are as human being and even when we understand the reasons for its; (2) if we have children, it’s important that the communities and extended, intentional families we create for ourselves include people of color. If we can’t connect with people of color, if we are rejected, it’s not only a loss for us, it is a loss for our children. Having said that, my in-laws have always been the greatest, warm, accepting, there was never any doubt that I and the children were and are family to them. Matter of fact, my woman in-laws took my side when I divorced their brother (after 19 years of marriage) and we became closer after the divorce than we were before! (But that’s another discussion for another day.)
Heart
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April 20th, 2006 at 12:26 pm
Robert, can you see that your point here is a bizarre distraction/derailment. Instead of talking about any of the major points of this piece (which you claim to have found interesting), you are commenting on a tiny use of language issue (again). If you don’t have anything to say about the actual content, why do you feel a need to jump in? Was that one use of language issue the thing you found most interesting about the piece?
balance: having equal weight on both sides
imbalance: being out of balance
If the ratio of women to men is not 1 to 1, then the ratio is out of balance. In particular, in this context, assuming that homosexuality is roughly equally common in men and women, if there are more women than men (the genders are imbalanced), then heterosexual women will be more likely to be unable to find a partner. Therefore, they will be more likely to fear ending up alone, therefore, they will view dating outside their particular pool as a way of accessing additional men, and balancing out the gender ratio.
I am really struggling to see a) why you thought it was worth bringing up b) what you were having a hard time understanding about the passage that you were referencing.
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April 20th, 2006 at 12:41 pm
Charles, I don’t think it’s a tiny language issue. I think it’s potentially revelatory of a certain mindset wherein white intellectuals implicitly claim to know what’s best for other populations, or society as a whole. As that’s a rather harsh charge to bring, I attempted to explore it quietly by asking what was meant by those phrases.
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April 20th, 2006 at 2:13 pm
My wife is Mexican, and I find it extremely irritating that “interracial relationships” are assumed to refer only to black/white pairings. Ignoring the other races perpetuates their invisibility in public discussion. It is esspecially irritating to ignor a race - in discussions about race in the U.S. - that has a greater population in the U.S. than blacks.
Or am I derailing this discussion by not confining such remarks to an immigration thread ghetto/bario where Latino issues belong?
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April 20th, 2006 at 2:38 pm
Decnavda, I don’t think that anything in this thread assumes that all interracial relationships are black/white. It just happens to be talking about that particular subset. Hispanic/white would be an interesting subject for another thread, as would Oriental/white, Arab/white, and others which I’m sure I’ve forgotten to mention.
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April 20th, 2006 at 2:49 pm
Yes, yes, interesting for another post. But when? My point is that “racial” issue discussions always happen, by some bizzare coincidence, to exclude the second - largest racial group in the U.S. Your comments about other types of pairings ignors the brute numbers of Latinos in the U.S. Sure, Asian/Arab pairings might be just a bit eosoteric for most U.S. discussions. But ignoring Latinos in the U.S.? Again?
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April 20th, 2006 at 3:12 pm
Decnavda, I’d wager that at least part of that disregard stems from a semi–surreptitious feeling on the part of many white people that Hispanics aren’t really a separate race; they’re basically white. Or at least, they’re a lot “closer” to white than black people are, from the old-fashioned unreconstructed racist POV. Maybe a dark shade of white, but…
I know that doesn’t seem to make any logical sense, but I have memories of bizarre conversations with members of my family a couple generations back who were shocked and outraged when a kid in the family would date someone who was black, but showed total complacency when the same kid turned around and married someone Hispanic; that was completely fine, for some reason. The closest thing to coherency I could get out of them when my consistency-minded younger self pressed the point was “it’s just not the same, is all.” Maybe it’s because the partial white ancestry possessed in some degree by nearly all Hispanics and American blacks “shows” in Hispanics?
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April 20th, 2006 at 4:14 pm
Well, what the heck. The original topic has kind of stalled out (over four hours since the last post which was really on-topic), so why don’t we add Hispanic/white to the discussion, as well as any other mixtures anyone cares to talk about. Decnavda, since you have personal experience (albeit from the male side), can you come up with lists for Hispanic and white women similar to those in Rachel’s post?
My own disconnected observations:
1. Not sure what it means, if anything, but the gender balance for Hispanic/white relationships seems to be a lot closer to even than black/white (usually the man is black) or Oriental/white (usually the man is white).
2. The stereotype which would seem most likely to cause trouble is that Hispanic women are highly sexual. (Not long ago some Mexican beer company used the slogan “Finally, a cold Latina” to refer to their product. People got very upset.)
3.In Mexican culture, it’s expected that a married man will have a mistress. (I’m not spouting a stereotype; my wife lived in Mexico for two years and observed this first-hand. It may be true of other Central and South American cultures as well; I don’t know.) An American woman who marries a man from Mexico (as opposed to a U.S.-born of Mexican descent) may find this hard to deal with.
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April 20th, 2006 at 4:51 pm
First let me respond to the question about what constitutes and interracial relationship. The Census does not define Latinos as a race, and many researchers call Latino/White marriages interethnic marriages, mainly because the census argues that Latinos can be of any race and the common ancestry is in Latino America. That said, I personally use the term intermarriage when talking about White Latino marriages in part because I think a marriage between myself (White woman) and someone like the rapper Fabolous (black looking Latino) would be treated differently than some one like Emilio Estevez (White looking Latino). Nevertheless, personally I see each combination as an intermarriage and I think we need to have more discussion about the various types of intermarriages. What is funny is that the academic literature focuses more on Asian White intermarriage than the other types of intermarriages. The few studies on White Latino marriages are just starting to come out and are very important because 1/2 of all intermarriages in this country are between Whites and Latinos. That certainly doesn’t justify overlooking it. In fact, White/American Indian, White/Asian, and White/Latino marriages are all much more common than Black/White marriages, which you would not know by listening to everyday gossip. But to come back to the original question–it is not so easy to decide what constitutes an interracial marriage and many people do not agree with me.
So why do I focus on Black White marriage, and why are Latinos excluded from this particular analysis? There are two primary reasons. One is methodological. When you do interview studies, you don’t usually have a big enough sample to make comparisons across many different groups. If I had the money as a grad student to interview hundreds of people, I could have compared family approval for different racial/ethnic combos. The second point is more theoretical. The history of interracial marriage is very different for each group. For example, laws were never passed specifically against White/American Indian marriages. Laws against White/Latino marriages were extremely rare, and laws against White Asian marriage were a little more common but still confined to only a few states and municipalities. On the other hand, most US states (I think 42.) had bans on Black/White marriages. Significantly more time and attention was given to preventing these marriages. Moreover, common stereotypes of each racial/ethnic group are different–for example the Latin lover, the Oversexed Black man, and the asexual Asian man stereotypes; thus, the issues facing each group are different in some ways. (And as a side note, my area is African American studies, so a study on White/Asian marriages, just wouldn’t have allowed me to get the types of jobs I wanted. That doesn’t mean that I don’t think the other intermarriages are important to study. They are–I just didn’t do that study.
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April 20th, 2006 at 4:54 pm
@Mandolin “Isn’t there also a stereotype that white women who date black men are less attractive than other white women?”
Yeah, I think so, but it didn’t come up much in my interviews. I think because I was looking at family approval. I think in general many Blacks believe this, but they don’t seem to say it about their relatives, just people they are not as close to.
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April 20th, 2006 at 5:05 pm
@ Lee “So maybe those of us who were born in the 1960s forward are more accepting of interracial marriages?” I think we are more tolerant, but I think the current attitude amongst most people is “if other people want to do it they can but it’s just not for me.” Or in some cases I hear this one, “I’m just not attracted to people of other races.” What is interesting about this is that people don’t really think about why, they just assume it is natural. It’s almost like–it’s Ok for other people, but not for me and not for my family.
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April 20th, 2006 at 5:09 pm
@Robert
Charles, summed up the point I was making about sex ratios very well.
I also think that they idea that Black/White marriage is more threatening is true in many families. I have seen that with the people I know, too. however, I haven’t studied it.
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April 21st, 2006 at 12:36 am
Great post and fascinating discussion.
Rachel, in your studies, what distinctions do you and other researchers make between “race” and “culture”? And how does “ethnicity” play into it? In other words, what do you make of people who say, “well, I don’t want anyone in my family to marry a black/white/Asian/Latino(a) person because their culture is different”?
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April 21st, 2006 at 1:33 am
Yeah, I think so, but it didn’t come up much in my interviews. I think because I was looking at family approval. I think in general many Blacks believe this, but they don’t seem to say it about their relatives, just people they are not as close to.
That’s pretty interesting in itself.
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April 21st, 2006 at 3:21 am
Your subject seems to be entirely focussed on opposite sex couples, which is an ok area of study, but I would like it if you made that more explicitly clear.
I have a widowed friend who was in an inter-racial lesbian relationship for many many years. Apparently, black/white pairings used to be much more common in the lesbian community than the heterosexual community, like around the 70’s or 80’s. In fact, when she moved from NYC to Oakland, CA, she and her partner were startled by the incredibly high number of lesbians. Wherever they went, they saw black and white women talking to each other! Finally, they realized that Oakland was just integrated and when they saw women of different races interacting, it didn’t indicate queerness.
My girlfriend’s parents are a black/white interracial couple, which makes my gf mixed race. I’m a white woman. Of course, family acceptance issues have an extra factor when you throw in the same-sex dynamic. However, her family has accepted me without any noticeable hesitation. We stayed with them for about a week or so last summer and everything seemed ok.
My family is tiny and kind of weird in general because all my living relations are male engineers who all seem like they have Asbergers. Reading them is impossible. They seem like they’re ok with my gf, but my dad made some disturbing comments about how she could pass for white. Ick. He was trying to say something about how he wasn’t racist and got sidetracked and it came out all wrong, which is kind of normal for him. I haven’t experienced any negative weirdness from my family aside from that one flubbed comment, and I don’t really expect to.
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April 21st, 2006 at 6:36 am
Rachel, did you see any information about black women’s attitudes toward white women in black/white IRs?
I ask because I recall a few years ago there was a movie that came out that had a black man and a white woman in leading roles. Apparently an initial version was filmed that showed a romantic (not just sexual, but romantic) relationship between the two. But they cut it and changed the story when they showed rushes of that portion of the film to a group of black women. The black women had a strong and vocal negative reaction to seeing the two kiss romantically. If this attitude was expressed by the women in a black man’s family towards his white girlfriend, I can see where the white woman might have a problem with continuing the relationship. But I don’t know whether this is common or not.
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April 21st, 2006 at 6:54 am
Well, my brother is in an interracial relationship(with a white woman), and my mother’s side of the family seems concerned about her family possibly being negative towards the relationship. I’ve tried to reassure, but they are just too worried. And on the derail, blacks and whites and Asians and Latinos don’t actually differ in which sexes they are assigned- we’re all assigned to two sexes in America. and usually, it’s a 1 to 1 ratio. Also, women tend to prefer guys with class statuses equal or more than theirs, so a college educated black woman is unlikely to go for the bro on the corner, even though they are of the same race, the same class is also preferred.
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April 21st, 2006 at 6:57 am
“Rachel, in your studies, what distinctions do you and other researchers make between “race” and “culture”? And how does “ethnicity” play into it? In other words, what do you make of people who say, “well, I don’t want anyone in my family to marry a black/white/Asian/Latino(a) person because their culture is different”?”
This comment was written by Rachel S..Good question, I purposely excluded all Blacks who were not African Americans (born and raise in the US) and all Whites who were not born or raised in the US, mainly because my focus was one how contemporary American racial ideology shaped family approval, and people who grow up in other cultures are socialized into a somewhat different racial ideology. However, there was a little ethnic variation, mainly within the White group. I had several Jewish respondents and both race and religion affected those couples. However, most of my respondents had a very weak ethnic identity in part because I wanted to “control” for cultural. The funny thing is that people think race=culture. Certainly, there are subcultural differences between Blacks and Whites, but the families seem to exaggerate those.
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April 21st, 2006 at 7:10 am
Les, I definitely think the IRs are more accepted in the lesbian and gay communities. I have done the research, but I did read a study on same sex Black couples based on Census data. They included any couples that had one or two Black people in their study, and 21% of the households were interracial. If you were to look at opposite sex Black households using the same methods (including all households with at least one Black person), the number is like 5%.
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April 21st, 2006 at 7:14 am
Ron, I think Black women’s disapproval of interracial relationships is much less pronounced in families than it is in the general community, which is the opposite of Whites. So basically, White have more of a problem with IRs when they involve a family member and less of a problem when it is some out in the general community. Blacks have more problem with IRs in the general community, but less of a problem when it is someone close to them.
Shannone, that is a very common response among Black families. I have a post about it over on my site.
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April 21st, 2006 at 7:53 am
I’m curious as to how Pacific Islanders are percieved in regards to race. My husband is mixed, Pacific Islander(Hawiian and caucasun American) and there was some discussion amongst my less educated conservative relatives that we had a “mixed-marriage”.
I’ve often dated across cultural and race lines, and I’ve done so because I was looking for someone that would treat me well. I refused to limit the pool of possible mates by race or culture. Oh, and I’m mixed culturally. My Grandmother was full blooded Italian, first generation native born American, and my Grandfather is Blackfoot Indian. And my Grandmother’s family had more problems with him not being Catholic than they did with his “race”.
Interesting discussion though, and I must say that I would be happy if my children married aliens from Mars if those men, women made them happy and treated them with dignity and respect.
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April 21st, 2006 at 11:55 am
Rachel; so then my question is, why? Is this because the black women think that the black man taking up with a white woman is showing black women a lack of respect? That he’s “social climbing”? Is it because the proportion of co-racial marriagable men (factors including education, employment, lack of drug habit or criminal record) are scarcer for black women than for white women and the white woman is thus taking one “off the market”? Or something else entirely?
I have no way to intelligently evaluate as to whether or not any of these are factors; I’m just throwing guesses out here.
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April 21st, 2006 at 1:08 pm
Ron, I think the number of marriageable Black men is the biggest factor, but I also think that the stereotypes that Black women “have attitude” and are “less attractive than White women” is also a factor.
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April 21st, 2006 at 3:11 pm
Alas, a blog ? Blog Archive ? Women?s Dilemmas in Black/White Relationships: CHECK THIS OUT! “This is out of the Rachel?s Tavern archive. It is one of the Snippets from my Dissertation. Keep in mind all of these posts are snippets of a much larger piece of work, so feel free to add to things, ask questions or give critiques.
This comment was written by DDW.Report this comment to the moderators
April 21st, 2006 at 9:38 pm
Rachel, another reason why many people think interracial marriages are not good is because they are more likely to end up in divorce then intraracial ones. There is some stat data to support that.
“the stereotypes that Black women “have attitude” and are “less attractive than White women” is also a factor. ”
That’s not a stereotype, if it exists it means it is based on some observations. So at least it must be partially true.
For whites, black women are less attractive in general, at least because one’s own race is always seem more atractive. Which is of course quite subjective in the first place. But it is the way it goes.
Now, American blacks are in fact mulattoes, so many have quite a lot of white blood, and may seem more attractive them real Africans.
Also, black women seem to be more often overweight that decreases their appeal.
They also have children early, so single mothers with childeren would understandably have lower marriage prospects.
Another thing, even if blacks do not have extra pounds, they are less likely then whites of the same age to be phisically fit. (Very rarely do I see 30-40 y. old. black females do recreational sports, as opposed to whites - like hiking, backpacking, canoeing, kayaking, scooba diving, biking etc.). I visited many US National Parks - few visitors there are black. Mostly whites and Asians.
Middle-aged black females does not seem attractive at all, as opposed to at least some white women that may still be in good shape and appealing.
Well, those are just average white guy perspectives - why white man - black woman pairs are so rare.
This comment was written by Igor.Report this comment to the moderators
April 21st, 2006 at 11:42 pm
Igor, I can’t believe how many stereotypes of Black women you were able to rattle off in one post. You can’t really take yourself seriously? I’d imagine that if you met a Black woman that met all of your criteria; you would still have a problem with her–because she’s Black. Just be honest…don’t beat around the bush. You don’t like Black women because they are Black.
While I completely disagree with your racist views of Black women (they are simply gross exaggerations), unfortunately, I think you are right that your perspective does represent many of the “average White guys”–not all White men, but probably a majority of them.
This is also why I think those directing critcism at Black women, saying that they are responsible for the low numbers of BW/WM IRs, need a big reality check. Racists like you are probably more the norm than non-racists.
This comment was written by Rachel S..Report this comment to the moderators
April 22nd, 2006 at 12:58 am
I’m going to do the dreaded “but what about men” here :p.
Okay, first of all, I do believe that stereotypes on black women are an issue here, but the marriage/sexual selection is not just men picking women they find attractive. I’d go as far to say that women’s choices are more relevant.
So perhaps part of the problem is perceptions on the attractiveness of white and asian men to black women. I don’t buy that it is completely about white/asian men finding black women unattractive.
There are plenty of racial stereotypes about men, too.
This comment was written by Tuomas.Report this comment to the moderators
April 22nd, 2006 at 10:19 am
Tuomas, I think the male stereotypes matter too, and I have another post on men in IRs. This one was just about women.
This comment was written by Rachel S..Report this comment to the moderators
April 22nd, 2006 at 12:45 pm
Yes, I understand this was about women specifically, I have no objections to that. I didn’t mean to come across too critical to that fact (but the subject of was raised by Igor).
It was partly a response to him, too (for example, I don’t agree with the generalization “because one’s own race is always seem more atractive”) .
This comment was written by Tuomas.Report this comment to the moderators
April 22nd, 2006 at 12:57 pm
(but the subject of was raised by Igor).
of men was.
This comment was written by Tuomas.Report this comment to the moderators
April 22nd, 2006 at 1:00 pm
I am in an inter-ethnic marriage, to a white latino. For what it’s worth, hispanics I have met in my personal life and through work are much more openly racist and opposed to intermarriage- with African Americans , that is. I have also heard (unverified but it was a prosecutor who told me) that when there are honor killings of Arabic women in the Detroit area (yes, it happens here), it almost invariably involves a Black boyfriend.
This comment was written by Elena.Report this comment to the moderators
April 22nd, 2006 at 9:59 pm
Rachel,
“racist” labels that are liberally thrown around by feminist/socialist wackos like you don’t bother me. Because they are meaningless. I gave you some quite substantial reasons why white men may not favor black females as partners, much less wifes and mothers of their children. Whatever women may think of them, those are some of at least some men’s thoughts on the subject. There are other interesting moments as well. To change those perceptions one would have to change the reality, which is next to impossible. You may not see the issue the same way as a man because you are not one. And I am not sure if you even have any experience of having a family and children of your own to give you some additional perspective.
I started, for example, with the fact that data shows that interracial marriages fail more often. Want to dispute that? Or explain?
Tuomas,
I agree that generally we have to take into consideration preferences of both sexes. But the more desirable a particular segment of population, the more it influences the couple composition, and not the opposite gender. For example, famous and wealthy sport figures (like OJ Simpson) would get a wide selection of potential partners to choose from. And the result would depend more on what he would prefer, not what his potential female partners would.
In many practical “race-does-not exist” type ways, for black females white males would be preferable over black ones - they on average have better education and professional skills, less criminal record, less history of drug abuse, higher IQ, make more money, are better fathers, less promiscuous, less likely to cheat, have connections through family/friends to more succsessful segments of society, wider interests and hobbies etc. So why BW would not choose them given the chance? (Unless of course, as I said earlier, every race favor its own.) There are simply not that many chances. WMs prefer WFs. ANd, for the most part, visa versa.
This comment was written by Igor.Report this comment to the moderators
April 22nd, 2006 at 11:12 pm
Igor-
This comment was written by Decnavda.I know it is politically incorrect to call bigots like you “bigots” or “racists”, we are supposed to call you “politically incorrect.” But I call people what they obviously are, and you are obviously a bigot and a racist. Even a white male lover of the free market like me can see that.
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April 22nd, 2006 at 11:27 pm
Yeah. 2% sense, 98% the kind of thing that makes me end up grimly and repetitively clenching my hands every time I go down south. That’s a damn high noise:signal ratio. Go back to your rock, Igor.
This comment was written by Robert.Report this comment to the moderators
April 23rd, 2006 at 6:11 am
1) They do not have the chance
or/and
2) BW specifically are not attracted to White/Asian men, for some reason
Every race favors it’s own does not follow from the facts of interracial marriage, or even from anything you wrote (meaning the generalizations based on… whatever.)
This comment was written by Tuomas.Report this comment to the moderators
April 23rd, 2006 at 6:06 pm
Igor wrote:
I’m fine with “feminist/socialist,” but not “wackos.”
Banned.
This comment was written by Ampersand.Report this comment to the moderators
April 26th, 2006 at 5:01 am
Is this thread still open? I am white married to Egyptian. I would never have considered this an interracial relationship except that a black american girl told me I was in a “mixed marriage,” at which point it occurred to me that according to American racial categories I was indeed in an interracial relationship.
The biggest problems I have encountered in this relationship are not really tied to the fact that we are different colors, but more to just the fact that our cultural norms that we were raised in are so different. In terms of how outside people perceive us as a couple, Egyptians tend to see it as a very positive thing, and sometimes in a way that makes me rather uncomfortable (there is in Egypt, like in India, this sort of fetishization of whiteness, and sometimes it seems that I am on a pedestal because of my color, though the Egyptians who do this, in fairness to them, are not completely conscious of it). Americans see it as negative not so much because they see it as race mixing as that they are suspicious of Islam. I have never encountered a white American who was angry at me for marrying a brown person but lots of white Americans who wonder what it is like to have married a Muslim / Arab in a way that shows they have a sort of fear of those categories.
This comment was written by Anna in Cairo.Report this comment to the moderators
April 26th, 2006 at 5:04 am
Also I tend to think that there are two competing forces of nature at work when people select mates - on the one hand a lot of societies condition their members to marry inside the tribe so to speak, on the other hand I think the human species like others would logically become stronger if people married outside the tribe and thus there are lots of people who are attracted to people who look very different than them. The problem with studying the human race is that socialization and nature categories are impossible to isolate.
This comment was written by Anna in Cairo.Report this comment to the moderators
May 3rd, 2006 at 9:09 am
I would like to reply to Igor.
I believe that your ignorance is purely superficial. This is the result of knowing few blacks on a personal level.
Don’t get me wrong! I am not coming here to throw stones. I know I have my faults as well. However, I would like to think that I am a realist. Guess what? I have to honestly say that I am ignorant, because I have my stereotypes about white men as well.
Oh, and about that attitude…
The aggressive, confident, opinionated, and outspoken nature of most black women is often mistaken for the ‘attitude’. Let me guess… you want a subservient woman, right? I am sure that your choice of a woman without ‘attitude’ isn’t color specific, unless you are truly a racist. If it is, then I think that we have opened up a can of worms, don’t ‘cha think? LOL From your post, Igor, I can tell that you have an over abundance of ‘attitude’. How can the pot call the kettle black? Quite often, we find the flaws of others interesting and we fail to look in the mirror at ourselves. Kinda makes us feel better about ourselves, right? But… it is definitely wrong!
The point of my post is to advise you to not confuse your ignorance with superiority. We can’t make this mistake because I firmly believe that love can not be limited to skin color. Who is to say that you cannot find love in a brown skinned woman, becuase she is brown skinned?
Just because I don’t have faith in loving a white man, doesn’t mean that it is not possible….
This comment was written by Rita.Report this comment to the moderators
May 3rd, 2006 at 2:00 pm
In response to all the stereotypes regarding black women and white mens lack of attractiveness to them Id like to state. I am a 30 year old black women who was an escort for 10 years and ALL my clients were white men with white wives and kids.
The MAJORITY of these guys stated that they have always been attracted to black women but felt that black women were not attracted to them so ended up marrying white women instead. I had clients that were loyal to me for my whole career, these men bought me cars, clothes, jewlerry etc and then would go home to their white wives and kids. Most even went as far as to say that they are not even sexually attracted to their white wives and never have been and that they prefer women of dark complexions.
So I think that in some cases alot of white men are attraced to attractive black women but due to their insecurities regarding black male sexuality they believe that their chances will be limited with black women.
This comment was written by sabrinajonson.Report this comment to the moderators
May 3rd, 2006 at 6:19 pm
Interesting. Igor came on my site a few weeks ago wanting to debate how black rape victims were treated by the justice system. He didn’t believe there were any inequities and I found a paper that showed that there were. Needless to say, Igor didn’t come back to debate.
Having read his comments here and over at Signifying Nothing where he gleefully referred to the Duke alleged victim as a “ghetto ho,” I now see his soullessness. Karma being what it is, he may find himself having to reach out for help from one of us fat, black, greasy, five-kid-toting, ball busting black ghetto ho’s. By the way, I don’t have any kids, so I guess I’ll have to rent some. Oh, and I don’t live in a ghetto, and oh, I’m not a ho. Guess that busts his fantasy.
This comment was written by Sharon.Report this comment to the moderators
May 5th, 2006 at 11:02 am
I’m writing Igor off as a troll, personally. Ugh. Why else would someone come in and spue hate all over a thread meant for discussion?
Sabrina, wrt your comment that, in your experience, many white men are attracted to black women but think that black women won’t give them a chance: I’ve heard the same thing from Asian men about both white and black women - these men don’t think they stand a chance because white and black women “aren’t attracted to Asian men.” That’s absolutely NOT true, of course, but this belief holds them back. And what a pity. Love is a precious gift no matter what color it comes wrapped in.
This comment was written by Crystal.Report this comment to the moderators
May 5th, 2006 at 11:11 am
Me too, and he’s therefore been banned.
This comment was written by Ampersand.Report this comment to the moderators
May 5th, 2006 at 11:45 am
Crystal wrote:
When I lived in South Korea, one of my male Korean friends was dating an Englishwoman who was one of my colleagues. I happened to mention this fact in a casual conversation with a group of Korean men to whom I was giving private English lessons. Their entirely unironic response was, and I quote, “What a man!” They figured that my friend must possess some super masculine mystique that allowed him to “get” a white woman.
This comment was written by Richard Jeffrey Newman.Report this comment to the moderators
May 5th, 2006 at 8:36 pm
sabrina, no offense intended, but I have to wonder how many of these men really meant what they said–that they would have honest-to-gosh married a black woman if only–instead of simply seeing you as the fantasy, right before they went home to their wives and families.
This comment was written by mythago.Report this comment to the moderators
June 18th, 2006 at 10:03 pm
I’m a black woman who is attracted to all men. However, when I was younger, I thought that I was solely attracted to white men. For some reason, that changed. I do like Italian and Australian men. I guess, these men are stereotypically more masculine than other European men. I love masculine men. But as I got older, i’m more attracted to men of color, especially latino men. I just come to realize that with latino men, you know for the most part where they are coming from,but with a white dude, you don’t know if he’s just using you for some sort of black fantasy, or some weird fetish thing. But, I guess with the whole dating a person of color, there is a comfortability thing, that sadly isn’t there with a white man. Like, with a latino dude, because black and latinos share the same environments, you can relate to them more, on a certain level. And for the most part, a latino dude will have somewhat of the same makeup as a black man, so it’s not really dating a different culture. Plus Latino men got that machismo thing. But, if Italian men, they have that masculine thing, that makes them ethnic.
This comment was written by Bohwe11.Report this comment to the moderators
July 19th, 2006 at 2:24 pm
My “black wife” met me at our company and she pursued me (because I was a manager and did not want to step over boundries I said nothing) to the point that we are now 1) together 2) have a son and 3) have a life together. Truth be told I wanted to pursue her, and was to the point that I was ready to quit to tell her I wanted to pursue her…whew. God granted my wishes and made life easier.
It should be noted that my wife is one who believed she would end up with a black man.
This post - I assume is from an American presepective - and it stinks. Stereotypes, beauty, family and all of that we confronted and dealt with. My family is from Greece and England, her’s is from Jamaica. We made it work because we wanted it to work. And OUR families love our son, and RESPECT our union. It would have been easier to be with a “white” woman (what does that mean without a hypen), but it wouldn’t have to me because it wouldn’t have been us.
And I could not think of a day without her: Not as a “black” or “African-Canadian” woman, but this woman.
Yes there is relevance to a select few of the arguments posted. But the real relelvance is two people risking all, building a home, having children and walking together towards a common future. That is what life - to me - is about.
And race is not required for this journey.
Here it is…
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July 25th, 2006 at 11:44 am
I am a 21 year old white female in a relationship with a 25 year old black man. We have been together for five months and we just moved in together last month. So far the hardest part of this relationship was my mother meeting my boyfriend. I never viewed my family as racist until the day she met him. Suprisingly, my mother had more of a problem with him than my father. My father didn’t meet him until just recently and made the comment, “yeah, he seems really laid back. I like him”. My mother’s comments on the other hand were, ” I just don’t believe in interracial relationships, don’t get me wrong, I’m not a racist, but my friend is in an interracial marriage with two children and they are now getting a divorce, and she made the comment to me that no one is going to want her now that she has interracial children”. Personally, I think thats a crock. Maybe it’s true that us in “Generation Y” are more open to diversity and challenge than that of others. Not only am I as white as they come (blonde hair, blue eyed, German-Irish-Sweedish) I am in love with an Islamic African-American with dreadlocks, and I couldn’t be happier.
This comment was written by Megan.Report this comment to the moderators
July 27th, 2006 at 4:44 am
Most white people are (still) under the pitiful illusion that they are superior to other people hence their constant opposition to interracial relationships.It is as simple as that.That illusion of superiority is the bane of a lo of the problems we have on earth today,whether concerned with marriage or whatever else.
It is interesting that statistically,they are the race least propagated on earth now.Soon enough,we would no longer have racism because they would have been ‘integrated’.This is unfortunate but it seems the only way out from the senseless wickedness most of them mete out to other races.
This comment was written by ajibola.Report this comment to the moderators
August 6th, 2006 at 5:37 pm
I’m black and marry white and what is funny is that people need to stop seeing color, you need to check your family tree and believe me everyone have some mixture in there family no one is pure so get over it and over your self. you can’t talk about it unless you been through it. It like how some one who never been in relationship like that tell someone what they are going to go through.
This comment was written by demetress.Report this comment to the moderators
August 12th, 2006 at 2:13 pm
Here in the UK the stereotypye is that white girls are easy, can anyone tell me if this is the same in the states?
This comment was written by Frank.Report this comment to the moderators
August 13th, 2006 at 4:13 pm
Hello, I have never entered these types of sites so if I go on to long please forgive me. I am looking into this site to help a friend. I wanted to see how some of the women work out problems with their families when they became involved in a black and white relationship? Also, have any of you run into rejection by other race males if and when the interracial relationship
failed? I was hoping to get some help in how you worked it out with your families? I have a friend who was staying with me as she is a white female with a mixed one year old child. Right now, it seems she has lost out completely, i.e., her family will not claim her anymore plus she dated bad. The guy was trash… black white or any other color he was trash.
I am trying to bring the family back together as this was a close family, but now the family is lost. Also, I know she has been reject by some white males after they learn about the kid. Yes, I am sorry to say it does happen even now. My friend is hurt I am just trying to help her pick herself back up. I was just wondering how some of you girls handle these issues. As for the dating thing I told her she needed to be up front about her past relationship, if they do not like it she lost nothing plus she will not feel rejected if feelings start to develop. I told her she needed to be strong and realize this might happen. I told her she knew what she was getting into when she crossed the color lines. I could really use some help as I am not sure how to bring her smile back Anger is no good for the soul and right now she is mad as hell. I do not think she will try to date another white guy even though she seems to like black and white guys
She turned to me for help as she knew my family and its black history. She really is a nice brown hair and green eyed girl; a really nice person. I am sure some of you have run into this and I like to know how you handled it? I have run into this matter before and I feel I handled it wrong so I am trying to handle it better. In my location their is not a lot of black and white mixing so it is hard for her. I understand how it feels to get rejected as I have black heritage in my family twice from several generations back. Eighth black and fifth generation half black. Also Native American on both sides of the family. Even though I am white male with blond hair blue eyes I did live in a small town where everyone knew each other well so some knew my family. Yes, the European blood line is strong. Not at first, but once it takes control it comes back strong. You read correctly, I have black heritage and I am a white male. When I was real young I was rejected despite the fact that the girls liked me. It was fine until their families got involved and learned who my family was. One girl told me why we could not date as her family did not what us to get involved. I did not know what she was talking about until I talked to my Grandmother and learned of my black history. I figured this help explained why I got along with the black people so well. Anyway, it is not just a issue of skin color or features some families do not want anything to do with the mixing period. This goes both for black and white families. I truly understand how my friend feels, because I can tell you as a teenager this rejection hurt like hell. It made me so mad I will not date a white girl. To date I have not date a white girl since I was in my teens. I have mostly dated Latin girls and a couple of few Asian.
The other races are mixing at 4 x the rate in all directions . As I recall since 1980 -2005 it was reported that only 360,000 marriages ensued between black and whites, which is around 14,400 per year. Native American and Asians were in the upper Million, so why does everyone make a big deal of this mix. Who cares really if you check state by state white woman had to consider other races, because in some states the white woman our number the white men as much as 100,000 - 150,000, thus, at lot of lonely women. Especially with Latin, Asian, Native Americans taking white men. If the white men do not like the mix they should have stayed in their own year to play. I believe if people are happy leave them alone. Ever since I was pained at a young age with race I keep up with stuff like this for more then ten years. I like the mix so people should relax as some are going to mix. There are lot of people in all races that refuse to mix, but it is all good. Anyway, could anyone give me some info to help my friend so I do not screw it up? I know how to handle this as a guy, but I need some advice on this issue with a woman
I shared my history to point out that race DNA can go either way, but I will admit I have only see the European line return time and time again when mixed with other races My family among a few others I know are proof of this fact even with steady race mixing between black and Native Americans. We have the complete family tree history so I know the facts. There may even be some Latin, but that goes further back then 1790s Well I hope people realize race is here to say. It okay, we just need to learn to get along. This is my goal, i.e., I like to help this family re-connect and get along. Anyone care to assist. I hope I did not hurt anyones feeling as that was not my intent.
This comment was written by half-breed big time.Report this comment to the moderators
August 13th, 2006 at 8:09 pm
Demetress: I could not agree more. I was making a point of this in my comments. I am white with blond hair and blue eyes and I have two Great Grandmothers that were black woman. My appearance blows most peoples mind.
This comment was written by half-breed big time.Report this comment to the moderators
August 14th, 2006 at 3:19 pm
My marriage to a black woman lasted three months after 4 years of courting, breaking up, fighting, and searching for common ground. I had only one problem…..I am a white man who married a beautiful, loving, intelligent, and caring black woman who’s mother drilled into her that men are not to be depended on for anything. That attitude became insurrmountable in very short order. Her mother’s three marriages failed and now her daughter’s is dissolving daily. WHY??
This comment was written by Thomas.Report this comment to the moderators
August 15th, 2006 at 12:11 am
Hello again, a few days ago I left a thread in hopes of helping a friend out. I wanted to know how some of you woman handled your family in a black and white relationship. Well thanks anyway, but I do not think anything will fix the damage in myfriends family unit. As mentioned a few days ago I told you about a white female friend of mine with a one year old biracial child. My friend’s black boyfriend dumped her and her family disowned her and on top of that they cut off her college fund. She was staying with me and I was trying to connect the family bond between her and her family . It seems the family feels she lied and disrespect them so they feel if she is big enough to do that she is big enough to make her own mind up and provide for herself and her baby. I really hate this as this was a really close family. I talked to her and she said her family is hard headed and if they removed her from the family it is for good. I did not think it could be that bad, but I guess I was wrong. I really did need some advice,but I do not think anything you could offer will make a difference. Today I changed my mind on the racial mixing. I feel that even though we are slowly removing the race issue we are in return creating a new evil form of hate. We are creating cold hearted hate within our own family units. There is nothing more important then blood and family values. If we destory this bond we destory ourselves. I have always been a black sheep and dated out of color lines even before it started becoming more common. However, this is twice I have seen a daughter disowned from their family at a young age. Really counting one guy this is the third time I seen this family hate. I really hate the loss I see in some families as it is enough to tear you apart on the inside. I guess it is true krama has a way of coming back to you. I see around town some lonely black women and on line there is a lot of black women whom are alone, so I guess it is karma when I see white women, like my friend, who lost their black boy friend and family left by themself and alone. Life just is not fair no matter how good of a person you are. Well I felt that I should explain myself regarding why t I no longer need your help. I really do not think any advice you offer will make a difference.
This comment was written by half-breed big time.Report this comment to the moderators
August 19th, 2006 at 7:19 pm
I have been in an interracial marriage for 25 years. I have had children and they are grown. It was never a problem to anyone in my family or his. The problem remains in society that makes everyone believe that it is wrong to marry out of your race. In this day and time people should be ashamed to still be whining over race. My husband and I have never cared about what other people thought or what our families thought. We love each other and have everyday for our entire adult lives. Our children never suffered cruelness from either race. Sterotyping people because of color is just wrong. Does it have to matter who you marry as long as it is for the right reasons? Do we still in this day and time have to make racial issues still prominent. It makes no sense that people just cant live, love, and be happy for one moment in their life without having to always make race a factor.
This comment was written by Celina.Report this comment to the moderators
August 20th, 2006 at 10:58 am
I am always bemused and amused about the intense discussions interacial relationships seem to generate, particularly in the Black community. I often think that people must have a ton of time on their hands to spend so much time dissecting discussing us (lol). And I completely agree with Celina above.
The couple, interacial or otherwise made a choice to be with each other. That’s no-one’s business but theirs. (No one’s including people of colour). It is their relationship and other people should keep their noses out.
Unfortunately society sees fit to “research” “question” and “discuss” the “reasons why they might be together” and of course they absolutely must bring in the race factor. At least in the US. In Canada and the UK, we seem not be too bothered about why couples decide to be together. How about this one singular fact? That couples love each other and want to be together and want to commit to each other? Just like any other couple?
But no. So-called intellectuals need to discuss the “racial aspects” real or imaginary of the relationship. I mean, they must come in musn’t they? That is,, after all why interracial couples are “different” isn’t it? Must make life interesting for the intellectuals. Either that, or they really have nothing better to do and need to get a life. Meanwhile, we will continue to love each other and live our lives. Just like any other couple.
As Celina says, whinging about race and stereotypes or lack thereof, in other peoples relationships, with all the more important issues we have in this world is pretty sad. I think it’s pretty pathetic myself.
This comment was written by Britgirl.Report this comment to the moderators
August 31st, 2006 at 10:55 pm
Rachel.
I too have been in several interraacial (white woman/black man) relationships over the past 25 years. I was married for 12 years and have a beautiful mixed daughter. I was shocked in reading all of the blogs that the subject of cheating among black men in interracial relationships never came up. Also drug use of the black men in relationships with white women was not mentioned. I have been exposed to many black men that smoke crack cocaine and or marijuana. How about how being in this type of relationship effects the passive white woman. Most white women who date black men are aggressive by white standards but passive by black standards.
I feel I have enouth experience in these types of relationships to give some insight on these issues. However I am wondering, are these problems greater among black/white pairs than among white/white pairings?
This comment was written by Kelli Washington.Report this comment to the moderators
September 2nd, 2006 at 4:01 pm
What is up with black/white topic? I have been raised as a half breed asian/black. I don’t get accepted fully by neither black, white, or asian. When will biracial people have a say in all of this? they are the one’s who get the beat down from all of this racial talk. Black girls from what I have experience has more prejudice and ghetto attitude towards half breeds; asian females/males rather date a white person to move up a class and have so called “nice looking kids”, and white guys who feel that they are gods gift to the human race feel that minority females are suppose to kiss the ground they walk on- how disillusioned can someone get!!and majorit