However, when it comes to family….my wife’s family was none too happy when she first started seeing me. They wanted her to hook up with a nice Korean guy.

I won out and now they fully accept our relationship and of course our daughters.

My mother never had issues but my father was definitely not happy with either my brother’s wife or mine. It wasn’t particularly overt but he would say little things that were really quite hurtful. He was racist to the core and interestingly enough, a very unhappy person all around. Very negative in what I suspect is really insecurity and fear.

Hence our family relationship was somewhat strained and uncomfortable. Not so with my wife’s family though. I feel closer to them than I do my own and I will bend over backwards for them.

Bottomline…who we choose to be with is our decision. If “they” (at whatever level… family, society, laws) have issues with it that is their loss. That they even waste their time to whine about it speaks volumes on them.

She’s a sociologist who talks about racial issues, has studied black/white relationships (BM/WF & BW/WM), is the author of this post, and is in a BM/WF relationship where she’s had to address the dilemmas that racist relatives present.

Truth fully I was always atracted to white and latino men. However I thought white men did’nt like blacks. I don’t even really know HOW we came to date…both of us had the assumption that our race saw each other as unntractive.

He is the most beautiful man I have ever met. Crisp blue eyes, and redish-brown hair. He is open to so many ideas and is very nice. I met his family and He said his mother was sceptical and gave him the old “It wont work out” while his dad seemed more open. As a matter of fact his father invited me for a get together again, I don’t know if his mother will attend.
Suprisingly my family was really open. I saw the suprise but my dad and boyfriend seemed to enjoy certian things lke fishing and spots teams. We had the best dinner and my mother and father both enjoyed his company and even ask how he is doing.

I’m cannot predict the future, but like an earlier poster said, Our relation ship will work becuase WE WANT IT TOO. We have our moments but at the end of the day I love him and he loves me.

That’s not a stereotype, if it exists it means it is based on some observations. So at least it must be partially true.

The stereotype of people such as Igor is that they are inbred, bigoted conspiracy nuts who have long discussions with Jesus while copulating with their nieces. I suppose this is partially true as well.

So we should not be surprised that that black guy is attracted to the creamy white beauty of a white woman, or that a white guy is attracted to the tiger wildness of a black woman, and so on, and so forth.

I know you mean the best, L, but I couldn’t help but notice that the standard by which your hypothetical white guy would be attracted to a black woman - personality, as in ‘tiger wildness’ - is also what stereotypically would draw them to a less attractive white woman. And not the ones with the soft, rich, creamy white beauty that melts in your mouth.

If race is artificial why are young white college girls working their way toward black men specifically, and not, say, Asian men?

You have an underlying point that’s somewhat valid, Tuomas, but it’s not well argued for in this particular case. Why do young white college girls uninhibited through alcohol go after black men? For the same reason older, white employers uninhibited by AA legislation go after everyone but. The effects of the socialization of an artificial concept can themselves be very real.

As a young African-American female born in mid 1980’s decade. I do hope that people of my age group and forward will not put such a big emphasis on race period. Regardless if its interracial or what have you.

I just think its pretty damn sad that race has such an impact on what we do in our lives.

Now, being 22 Yrs of age. I have never dated anyone, but i was always taught people are people, and if you are going to judge someone, you do it base on their character, personalities, not on the basis of their skin.

Actually the entire discussion on interracial relationships just annoys me to no end. I happen to be interested in males of all backgrounds, whether they are black, white, latino, asian, etc, etc, etc. To me all when it comes to sex, attraction, love; men are all the same and women are all the same when it comes to pursuing a person who you find yourself attracted to.

I’m of the idea if he’s cute, and has similar interests as me, and friendly, and is equally attracted to me go for it! I’m not going to sit there and evaluate ZOMG! WTF 1337 REASONS WHY I SHOULD NOT BE WITH THIS PERSON BECAUSE HE IS WHITE!! Or sit there and think about what ’society’ made think? or what my relatives or his for that matter say.

If I’m ever in a relationship or try to pursue a relationship with a man outside my race, and either of our families have a problem with it, I’m going to simply laugh and wave it off and go on with my life.

I don’t know how people of other nationalities in other countries view the whole ‘interracial tidbit’ but sometimes a subject on race in general just makes me ashame of calling myself an American citizen; because here it is in the year 2007 and people still cannot seem to get over the color of skin issue(doesn’t matter if your a bigot or not) and what’s worse these ignorant views get passed down through the generations. (But I’m hoping against hope that if you were born after 1980, especially a child born 1990 and beyond, will not be influenced with such ignorant views about society in general) I mean there are OTHER things more important than someone’s white friend sleeping with a black person, etc.

Its bad enough children of my generation/age group still are dealing with the ignorant views of the past; but it would be really nice to know that the next generation and the one after that will not have to deal with this shit anymore!

I wonder sometimes if civil rights leaders such as Martin Luther King Jr.’s advances to seeing a brighter future was just a waste of time? Or how about the many people who fought to end the oppession of slaves? Or had to endure the constant ridicule JUST to sit at the same table with someone that was of a different race?

its bad enough it took UNTIL about the 1960/70’s to make an effort to be able to sit in the same SCHOOLS without feeding into all the bullcrap about race and vomiting the shit out!

my motto is ‘live and let live’. If people are attracted to one another, it should not matter what race they are, if they are fat, skinny, have children, poor, smart, etc. If you love someone, you obviously love that person for a reason and vice versa. And for the LOVE OF GOD! (or whatever you believe in or lack there of) IT IS NO ONE’S BUSINESS WHO SOMEONE CHOOSES TO BE WITH!! I don’t care if what a relative or friend has to say! Why the hell should someone miss out on an opportunity to be in love with someone because ‘it is seen as a taboo in society’ because they are from two different backgrounds. Society does not dictate whom a person should fall in love with!

I agree whole-heartedly with the person who stated something about, people should get over themselves. Because ESPECIALLY IN AMERICA there is no such thing as ‘pure-blood and or race’. If you look in the history books, there was a lot of screwing going on (though for the most part done for the wrong reasons) within a race of different people.

ARGGGGGGGHHHH!! THIS IS WHY I HATE RACIAL DISCUSSIONS!!! Nothing makes me more mad to know that they are things people REFUSE to get over!! I mean there are a lot of factors to play in why people look down on ‘ww/bw’ or whatever relationships.

Mainly part of this is due to times of when africans were being enslaved. People during the era’s putting so much emphasis on race to justify the need of keeping a group of people in slavery, and if you were against it during the time and not one of the many who decided to outright speak against it you quietly turned a blind eye to it, or decided to not get involved at all.

But my god! People should learn about the past, and learn of a way to NOT repeat the BLUNDERS that have SERVERLY MIND FUCKED PEOPLE OVER!! not stay there stuck in a warp zone forever and getting all bent out of shape for things in history that happened MANY MANY MANY YEARS AGO!!

If whites were meant to be with whites and blacks were meant to be with blacks, DON’T YOU THINK THERE WOULD BE A GREAT SIGNAFICANCE IN OUR HOMO SAPIEN MAKE-UP? If this were to be the case, not only would we be two different skin colors but also of two different SPECIES ALTOGETHER!! Like Tigers and Cheetahs.

First and foremost, our primal instincts as animals is the survival of the species and therefore we mate! If it looks like a person, has a head like one, smells like one, speaks like one, walks like one, you can obviously mate with it! thus ensuring the continiuality of the species. And since a white man can makes babies with a black female and so on and so forth, then THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS JOINING TOGETHER OF TWO PEOPLE who either feel something for another, or just together for the simple reason to have sex!

And for the people who are uncomfortable, loathing, etc of seeing two people of two different backgrounds together need to get a fucking life! The world does not revolve around you and your pettiness, and people who have to disrupt the harmony of two people together because of race need to be ashame of themselves.

I really believe people like this are either 1. jealous, 2. insecure, 3. had a similar issue with which they did not delve into or tell anyone about because like cowards they listen to people who literally fucked up their love/sex life. 4. or they could be just really opiniated because of family influence, or 5. scared to go against family wishes.

If people have the time to stop and stare and think ‘ZOMG! OH NOES! THERE GOES A WM WITH A BW OR WM WITH A BM!! The world is ending!! Then they are very sad individuals and need to find ways to bid their time then thinking about the couple walking down the street, for all they know, the two could actually be related or just FRIENDS!!

I maybe just a rebel at times against certain issues i think just are taken to the extreme; race being one of them. But in all honesty, I love my family to death, and yet they get the hell on my nerves 24/7. But i do not wish any ill will on any of them; but if one of them tries to ever tell me i’m being an idiot for being with someone not black, I’ll simply look at them as if they were from another planet. No, I will not argue, just give them a face and be on my merry way. The same way I look at people, who get on my nerves while i’m at work and they have to complain about some small insignifcant thing! (especially in this family, seeing as some of my cousins are of mixed races, not to mention being the ‘oddball’ in the family I’m always teased that I’ll end up with an asian male…my interest in anime is responsible for that little tidbit, but doesn’t bother me at all).

I refuse to ’self-hate’ myself (or rather i do not hate myself) because I am black and female, nor do i see myself as inferior to a white woman or any other woman of another race. Nor will i listen to people in my family telling me that old bullshit of ‘to each their own’. (and yes, i have had quite a few people like that tell me this and the suggestions just went in one ear and out the other with things like that) I don’t know where this whole ‘all black women are strong and too independant and have an attitude’ but maybe the whole impression of this is solely based on the fact that black women feel the need to be outspoken because our great, great-grandmothers didn’t have much of a choice. Or it could be the simple fact that society has formed such ‘opinions’ about us a whole that you cannot help but out right speak about it or against it.
But in my opinion, I do not see myself as some ‘black bitch with attitude’ nor am I very aggressive or a woman of loose morals.

Then again when is society ever fair to anyone? On matter what one does or in what context a person does it, there are going to be jackasses who feel the need to take something and make an example out of them, just ‘ignorantly’ justifying the actions and impressions of an entire group of people just for ONE thing ONE person does. It is a vicious cycle that needs to be severly stop, as it does nothing but aggravate us all and it is not fair to anyone.

I do not see white men as being superior to black men either, nor would i ever date one because he was more ‘finacially stable than a black man’. For the same reason i will never disown a black man, someone of my same race over a man of another race because if ‘ignorant racial profiling/stereotypes’ I see this as a waste of time. For all intents and purposes I could very well end up with a white man that was close to having jack shit because of the lack of money he has in the same way i could end up with a black man that was very well off. All in all when it comes to jobs/money/etc. I perfer to rely on my ownself to providing my own money and not be dependant on a man to take care of me. (this is solely a rant on the fact that people get the impression that generalizing the stereotype that ALL BLACK WOMEN WANT WHITE MEN FOR THEIR MONEY! I simply want to point on that I under no circumstances am looking for a man because he is well off) Actually, I’m not even looking for a boyfriend as college is my main objective…

And I have never heard of the reason ‘that the only reason a white man would pursue a black woman is to fulfill some ‘color fetish’…that one was certainly new to me. I always had the impression that maybe the reason why white men and black women haven’t gotten together as much was because of opinions regarded in society ‘couple on that with thoughts of not being good enough or worrying excessively about what the person may think…there could be more reasons.

my point is, if I’m going to be with someone, its because i truly love them, or find them interesting because of who they are, not because he isn’t the same race as me. If I should ever find happiness with a person of another race, that is my perrogative and no one else’s, after all I AM the one living with the person.

Jesus…I just went on a rant…sorry but i had to get my two cents in.

BTW: Like i said, I don’t know how people outside of the US deal or feel about interracial relationships, and I’m quite curious to know what their views are about it? I surely see alot of opinions about the States in general about politics, I would like actually like to hear someone’s opinions about it, who is from another country, perferrably from Europe as I’m quite familar with hearing opinions of people from Central/South America.

I think that humanity largely exists in image, kink, appearance, and surface. I think that this is largely unavoidable. Men are attracted to the smooth skin and curves of women; If women look like men, heterosexual men are simply not attracted. We don’t date or marry our best friends, no matter how much we love our friends. Sex and attraction is mainly, almost entirely, made out of “kink.” When women act submissive or dominant, they attract a certain type of male. If someone wears butterfly earings, they attract a certain something. If they wear ivory, that attracts something. If they talk rough, soft, prnatural, that attracts something. If they were horn rimmed glasses, or techie glasses, or contacts, that attracts something. The range of our attractions is broad spectrum, but it is particular.

How do we know race? Speech patterns, cultural patterns of who should do what in response to what, appearance, skin color, family structures, all these various things.

What I’m trying to say is: If someone is attracted to someone else for kinky reasons, then — where is the surprise in that? All of attraction is kink. Again, men aren’t dating men, here, (unless they’re gay.)

We are made out of particulars and differences. There should be no surprise then that our attractions are particular and different, and that the substance of love is particular and different. If a stereotypical image attracts, why are we surprised?

There is no such thing as loving a person in the abstract, except out of religious veneration to an ultimate abstract person, which, if we are respecting it right, means that we love all people, regardless of the particulars.

All other love is particular. So we should not be surprised that that black guy is attracted to the creamy white beauty of a white woman, or that a white guy is attracted to the tiger wildness of a black woman, and so on, and so forth. They’re stereotypes. They’re cheesy, even, so overdone, that we make fun of them. And yet they’re what we have, and what we’re attracted to. Women aspire to those images, and the magazines will teach you exactly how to reproduce them, all the way from your attitude, to your face, and to your choice of clothes.

Stereotypes aren’t just false, they also are what we live into, to different degrees. You can go see Mickey Mouse at Disney Land, even though he’s not real.

I still haven’t pieced together how to treat people fairly and kindly. It’s not obvious to me whether we should bind together behind sexual and racial codes of behavior, or if we should relax, appreciate people for who they are, and live and let live. The threats and discriminations that black people experience are very real, are they not? Real threats leads to binding together, codes of conduct, and so on. But respect for people outside all of these thoughts and stereotypes that control us, requires respect for people, whatever they choose, whatever they do. I cannot see a clear way to go.

Back to my children and to make this long story short, my son at the age of 6 1/2 when I left his father (who had a drinking problem at the time) asked me when he first met my new white husband is he my new daddy one time. I told him your daddy is your daddy you know who your daddy is. Now I am not a light skinned women I am dark skinned and yes I have long hair and a small to medium size body- so you know we met at the swimming pool my new white husband. Any way in the last 11 years I have be getting so much greif from my friends and even lost some good (or so I thought) friends because later in the relationship they found out my husband was white.

I have had a friend tell me that I should tell people new in my life that my husband is white. WHY? This is my man my husband why are you so interested in who I am with.

Let me explain something my ex-husband never wanted to do anything with the kids no even take them to the zoo. We both had jobs and money was not scarce. His excuse was that he had to go party with his friends and didnt have time. This same man would always say my son is gonna play football or he will be the next Micheal Jordan. Yet he never took the time to show his remind you HIS SON how to play football or basket ball, Hell he never even showed him how to ride a bike.

Yes my new white husband did that taught my son my black son how to ride a bike and much more, he took them my daughter included to science museums, county fairs, to the zoo, signed my son up for little league baseball, basketball, and soccer because my son did not want to do football.
We even took the kids to Walt Disney World in Florida yes in April of 2001 we went to Walt Disney World for a 5 day and 4 night stay and we went to every park. You might think thats material but I saw my childrens face when we went and they will remember that for the rest of there lives.
So no I dont tell all my friends what my new white husband has done but I sit back and listen to there thoughts on interacial relationships and just feel bad for some of them. Love is not about what race you are when will people learn that. Its about who you find to love you and you can love them back and get through the real hard and bad times together with out cracking under the pressure.

The problem of interacial relationships is not in the couple it is within the person or people who seem to have a problem with it.

And by the way me and my new white husbands daughter get along well and I am so glad that at present her and my children get along well to- thank
God for that. I have more to say but will save for a latter date.

Now one or two questions for the group. In this type of relationship how do you deal with things in the house when the ex is filling the teenage boys head with bad things like - you already have 3 strikes against you cause your black.
Dont listen to anything that white man tells you. This very confusing for a 13 year old boy who already has some friends that tell him he has a white daddy not many we keep thoses kinda of friends away as best we can. If any one has an answer or can offer help real help please respond.

What will these disapproving folks do for you and your Grecian goddess in the end? I must say that you obviously have a “type” of woman who you are attracted to and likely your family and friends know this…so, just live your life. Are you accepted in the Greek community? I am a Black woman who has dated interracially in the past and I have felt the need to protect myself from a potential situation of “concentrated dislike.” We cannot lives as islands, but I can tolerate the ignorance and stares — in small doses only. Good luck.

Nikki

There are no purple or blue people! Maybe Whites have the luxury of not having to view race as an every day “big deal” in their lives like most people of color do. Media of all kind constantly assure you of your worth. Your appeal is duly noted and considered standard. I am not trying to bash you (Whites) with my comments, but rather to think it, write it, and start to fully understand a few concepts myself. We see color when we fall for someone — and yes, we can fall in love “in spite of” in addition to “because of” race.

This is a great blog even if there have been folks to post awful things insulting a particular race of women. Some of you have written some big truths on this topic, and I have learned a great deal from gleaning.

Good day

Why is it that whenever a group of young college white girls get drunk in a party. They all start working their way over to the black men. And feeling on him and rubbing him. Then ofcourse the white guys rush over and grab them away ‘you have had enough to drink’, ‘we are going home’ says the white guys.
These guys arent even the boyfriends

But most women and non-white men, know that race is artificial.

If race is artificial why are young white college girls working their way toward black men specifically, and not, say, Asian men?

So throughout Corporate America I constantly run into theses guys. About 75% of white guys are like this. Race props up their self esteem. Without it they are boring nobody invisible white guys. With it, come entitlement and a sense of power.

This is only with AMERICAN white males. NON American white males have a much more objeective view of the world and their surroundings. Most black women married to white guys are NON AMERICAN white guys. People never talk about this, but it is so clear and evident.

And Hispanics are worst because they feel that oppressing black people makes them more ‘white’ and gives them the artificial feeling of being higher on the pecking order. But when they come into Corporate America the truth hits them and shocks them.

If same race marraige is natural, why is this needed. She simply would not be attracted to black men.

Why is it that whenever a group of young college white girls get drunk in a party. They all start working their way over to the black men. And feeling on him and rubbing him. Then ofcourse the white guys rush over and grab them away ‘you have had enough to drink’, ‘we are going home’ says the white guys.
These guys arent even the boyfriends

But most women and non-white men, know that race is artificial. and that I am a man first. I love women.

“That’s how Jews think and thats why they run things.”

Yeesh.

Banned.

:-o