I wish I lived in the same town, since I’m good with babies–and what you probably need most is some uninterrupted sleep.

On the floor-covering issue–I don’t know what CPS is worried about. IF it’s just that concrete is hard and the baby is in the pull up/fall down/pull up/fall down stage, the covering can be pretty cheap. Two options that come to mind:
1) Cheap particle-board underlayment–it’s thin particleboard of plywood intended to go under linoleum–but with a couple coats of polyurethane, it’s the floor I grew up on. About $0.30 a square foot, but requires a bit of time to install and would have to be glued down.
2) Carpet underlayment–dense foam about 1/2 inch thick. Just lie it on the floor–it’s not that slippery. About $0.50 a square foot, and you’ll have to vacuum it frequently, and to roll it up and sweep/vacuum under it occasionally.

http://www.babyuniverse.com/pro.asp?id=5267&rc=Become5267

Fancier ones just break.

You can get some carpet squares instead of a rug. “Flor” has carpet squares that, at their cheapest, are in the $3-$4 per square foot range, but I bet a DIY store will have even cheaper alternatives. You don’t need to cover the whole floor, just a reasonably sized area where baby can play. But you have to make sure they will adhere to the surface of your floor. I think that you could get by with “cast-offs” if you only know where to look or who to ask (maybe someone in your family has a rolled up rug in the attic they’re not using right now, or recently bought carpet and had excess they don’t need?). If you go to a remnant store you might find that a small remnant is pretty cheap.

I found playpens to be a waste of time, and if you are going to gate your baby in you need more than 9 square feet (JMHO), however, there should always be some safe place to put your baby when you need to do something. But this can be a crib or a stroller. Never forget that many things can do double duty.

However, if you want to toss them a bone and get them off your back:

Call a carpet installer. Explain your situation. They can probably provide you with a (used and possibly stained, but functional) carpet that they are replacing, and they should probably do so for free. It wouldn’t be “installed” but they can work like a rug.

As far as a floor covering - what about one of those alphabet floor mat things? I found one online for about $20 free S&H, it’s only 3ftX3ft, but if you also got one of those play yard gate things to put around it, that should satisfy them - I have no idea what your budget is - but I think the grand total would be around $80 (60 for the playyard and $20 for the foam mat), and then the living room is baby proofed, giving the child a decent amount of space to play and a soft enough floor to play on. The other option is to buy the foam interlocking pieces as a floor covering for the whole floor - it means you have to take your shoes off in the living room (and I don’t know if you have physical restrictions with that or not), but it’s something to consider. I know it doesn’t solve the larger problem of CPS being invasive, dumb and creating more stress and work, but hopefully they are suggestions that might get them off your back, at least with the floor. Also, I am a firm believer in playpens - Maya was in one from about 6 months to 11 months (until she was unwilling to be penned up anymore) and LOVED it. She had a great time, learned to play independently by looking at her books or whatever else we had in there with her, learned to pull herself up to stand and cruise around by holding on to the sides - all while I was free to do other things and knew she was safe. Our house is NOT fully babyproofed - in fact the bathroom cupboard that DOES have a baby latch on it (because the cleaners are down there) she has figured out how to get around and you know what? We’ve told her no so many times and successfully redirected her that she doesn’t play there even though she CAN. The babyproofing craze makes me a little crazy - yes it is helpful and reduces injury and risk of injury, but people can take it too far… kids also need to learn limits of no, not just can’t.
I know you aren’t in the US, but there must be british equivilents - here are the links to what I am talking about:
http://cftoys.com/noname124.html
and http://www.onestepahead.com/product/85217/488757/117.html I know this is pricey - but I bet you can find one on ebay for much cheaper…

Good Luck again, and I am so sorry you have to deal with this…

They were showing exactly the same paternalistic attitude as towards you, but with a ‘wink, wink, nudge, nudge, you’re too middle class to actually hut a child’ subtext.

You know who else you might contact…local doulas or midwives. They tend to know people who help mamas with similar issues such as PPD, and in general, they deal with the underground culture of poor parents trying to get by a lot. Many of them offer women’s health services anyway, like birth control etc. If anyone knows resources, they do, and they won’t care that your baby is already born. Local Meetup.org groups (under parenting, single parenting, “hip mama” etc) also have forums, where you can ask about services and programs, and find babysitting co-ops possibly also.

Best of luck and screw CPS, they couldn’t find their asses with both hands and a flashlight.

It’s concrete, covered with a thin layer of what looks like black rubber sealant of some sort. I know it’s far from ideal, but I have no idea why it’s the issue they’ve built it up into.

Overall, I’d second Skanky Jane’s suggestions. Try looking for non-governmental sources of help. I’d bet there’s some kind of women’s group in the area. You might try calling the local religious institutions; they tend to serve this kind of need, and they generally DON’T insist that you get involved in their denomination, or indeed in any religion at all. I’d imagine that there are non-religious organizations as well, but I don’t know what area of the country you live in (or what type - urban, suburban, rural, etc.) and can’t give specific advice.

Finally; you are the best thing for your daughter, and will continue to be. Despite what the government types say, I seriously doubt that you’ll do anything either through neglect or otherwise to harm her. Don’t be reluctant to assert yourself with the government folks. If the sand gets too deep with them, I’d second Sailorman’s advice regarding a newspaper columnist.

can’t type any more, squirmy 9 month old :)

I’ve been there, though my child was much older when I hit that depression wall. I believe that CPS *means* well, but they don’t have a flipping clue what they are doing. What you need first is treatment for depression, which would include a way to get adequate sleep (iffy in the first year of a child’s life in the best of times). Depression makes sleep harder to come by, lack of sleep makes depression worse. If you had more rest, you’d have more energy to deal with the myriad tasks that come with life and a child.

Your child would not be better with someone else, she’d be better with YOU feeling better.

Depression sucks. So does single parenting. When I was at the worst of the depression, everyone else focused on my not eating. My doctor, who was a smart, smart man, said “I don’t care if you don’t eat. You can function on little food. You CANNOT, however, function without adequate sleep - without that you cannot deal with the depression or anything else.” He was right, and a course of sleeping pills helped enormously to get me back on track enough to start to function again.

Something to think about, anyway

So breathe deep, and really try to think of other adaptations that you can make that will improve your outlook. Whether it’s a sharing arrangement with a steadier schedule or something else, it does sound like you need a break. I hope you can get it.

On this issue, run a mile from welfare. I’m sorry but I just don’t think these institutions, no9 matter how well meaning really know how to help without pathologising. I am not going into it because it’s late but I have a story too. You are going to make mistakes but your daughter is better off with you than anyone else. Find support in other ways. I once found a great woman from the women’s community to come and take my daughter out on a weekend. I ached for that kind of support and needed it desperately - with my son I made other choices. When your daughter is older - you will be so glad you stuck it out with her - just do your best and love her. You need to do this successfully just as much as she needs it.

SJ xx

I mean, if CPS were to look into ANYONE’S life at the level of detail with which them seem to be scrutinizing yours, it’s likely they’d find quite a few things wrong. I’ve got a happy (for us) carefree (for us) wonderful (for us) life….. but OMG I can only imagine what CPS would say if they tried to fit us into the “GOOD families look like ____” mold.

I cannot fucking believe–sorry to be so annoyed but this really threw me off kilter–that they would comment about the sippy cup issue. That is like some sort of sick joke. Or about the carpet issue. What: now children who live in uncarpeted houses are abused? Better not tell my kids (or my mom).

It seems they are merely injoying “teaching you to obey” by assigning ridiculous tasks. And perhaps for SOME people this might actually be necessary–bot for most, it’s demeaning, opintless, and insulting. God, I think I’d have a fight with them and probably lose my kids in about 2 hours if one came to my house for an investigation.

But as you say it would never be an issue. They’d never come to me, because i’m White and Rich and Educated and might have Connections (I actually don’t) and would–like you–want to raise a huge fucking stink if I were ever treated with sich idiocy as you seem to be being treated. CPS doesn’t think about “people like me”…. though they probably should.

Are you considering escalation? One thing I’ve heard is that there SOMETIMES is an intelligent competent person (at some level) who will be able to restore some degree of sanity. But of course it’s a gamble because if it doesn’ work you’ve pissed off your local contacts andd they have an inordinate amount of power in relation to their pettiness and lack of understanding. There is also the tactic of trying to find a sympathetic newspaper writer. Sunshine can do wonders for mold.

If these people would only learn to *listen*, instead of just working through a mental list of “what things in this household are not as I expect them to be”. I can only assume that they are completely helpless, clueless and have no idea how to do their jobs, so they use bad heuristics.

And carpets, what the heck? No one I know who has pets or small children wants carpets. They are as useful as lace on a pig.

Good luck, don’t panic, and I hope you find some useful help (like someone with a car to help with shopping) soon!

People project all kinds of crap onto parents, and offer tons of useless advice. I’ve noticed this before. It sounds as if your depression is at the heart of things, and that there are some good reasons in your life for that depression.
Single parenting is f*ing hard–especially with a baby. I watched my sister struggle for years, and it broke my heart, how hard she had to work, how exhausted she always was, with a job that paid crap and no one to help her shoulder the burden of her children’s constant needs. That would mess with anybody. You took the responsibility to reach out to get help for the sake your child. I honor that act of courage. It doesn’t sound as if the “help” you are getting is helping at all.

From your description, it seems to me the main thing you need is support. Do you have access to affordable counselling services? Do you have friends who or family you trust, who might be able to give you more support in caring for your daughter?

Regardless, please know that you are not alone; we’re out here and we understand. Raising a child is a huge effort, and doing it alone is a tough gig. If I could I would take you out for a cup of coffee, or watch Andrea for you while you went on a date, or got a massage or work out, or whatever brings you comfort. On the internet, all I have to offer is words, but they’re heartfelt.

Is there any way we can help?

-l.

At that time, I always though that if Family and Children’s Services walked in to my place, they’d take my kids in a minute, if they could find them in the mess. But I lived with the security that F&CS would never be by because of my neighbourhood and my profession. And they weren’t. And things got much better after everyone started school. But those were some crazy years!

And I have NO carpets because they’re a haven for bacteria, moulds, and little bugs. Gross.