Another woman has a 4 year old son who does not look black at all and she and her husband FREQUENTLY have to field questions in front of their children about whether or not the father is the “real” father. (Father is black, child is very very light skinned - looks white). So sad.

I do know what you are saying. People often think that white mothers of biracial children are not their mother’s, and sometimes vice versa.

Actually, if you pay attention, you will fairly quickly get that this is not necessarily the case at all. European-American mothers can biologically have babies that are quite dark, just as African-Americans can have babies much lighter than either parent. I don’t know all the genetics involved, particularly related to the former, but it happens regularly.

Besides, depth of skin-tone aside, my honey-colored bi-racial daughter and I got questions on all sides — even from rank strangers — from the beginning. And still do.

As far as your partner’s son calling you “Mommy” when he’s around you a lot, that has to do with his perception of you as a care-giver. What is a Mommy anyway? He’s seeing you as “with” his father and taking care of him. You don’t mention how long you and your partner have been together, but your partner’s son is bonding with you, something that really cannot be avoided as long as the situation stays as it is. I’ve known a number of children and young people who considered themselves to have more than one “Mom.”

Later, as I became more familiar with social concepts of race, my mom’s answers continued to confuse me. Probably I remained confused as to why my mom answered that way right up until college.

But, my experience of my friend jumping all over me for being a white girl with a black doll makes me think that this whole thing can start much earlier than 7.

i can understand the questions: her tios and tias look just like her father; but i’m tita D- and look nothing like my niece’s mother. then my dad comes around and completely confuses things: he’s dark like a roasted walnut and my niece is constantly looking at all of us, just taking our word that we’re all related but not really seeing how.

but my dad, when he takes the kids out, makes a point of loudly announcing that they’re his grandkids: he once told me he’s afraid of someone accusing him in public of stealing the children and forcing him to prove he’s their grandfather.

My child,from about age 2-4,used to refer to people by the color of their shift-spontaneously-he would say ‘the green boy’,etc. i always was a little anxious if someone had a black or brown shirt on,if it would be taken out of context by someone at the park who of course had no idea what he was referring to,but assumed otherwise.
so,it is interesting to see how concepts develop for children,good or bad.
although knowing about social issues is important,and it’s likely that in our world all children will experience some form of bias or stereotyping or worse,i don’t believe we need to indoctrinate them into political correctness anymore than we would want to do so with racism. they are being children and enjoying one another,while developing with less of the burden of entire centuries of legacy on their backs-
i just feel it is so important to teach what is developmentally appropriate. for Martin Luther King Day,his teacher discussed the importance of the day and of a man who helped many people be treated more fairly and justly. it was as they say ‘age appropriate’ ,for what the children were really able to process cognitively. it is their [the children’s] job,after all,to play and learn about themselves,but also to be empowered to create a new kind of world. we can only support them in doing so by not completely immersing them in the old world.

He told his cousin, “Never trust the white man!” After we got turned around and stuck on a turnpike near Tulsa, he later told his mama, “It’s bad enough the white man took our land; now we have to pay to drive on it!” I thought those were fairly innocuous and cute, but he’s also said, “We dont like white men, except for mama,” or when he and I (or he and I and his brother) do things together, “Only Indians are allowed.” As I said, they started out fairly cute, but I’ve been telling him not to generalize about people, not to think all white people are bad, and pointing out that he doesn’t like it when people think he lives in a tipi or eats buffalo meat, etc.

What can you learn about race from a seven-year-old? Rachel at Alas, a blog explores this question based on her own experience, and it’s worth a read. If you’re a multi-racial family, you may find immediate resonances. Even if you’re …

Since then, if sees someone Indian, Asian, or Native American on TV, she’s like to identify them as Japanese — she doesn’t understand exactly what the word Japanese means.

What kinds of things did he say?