I just read this on Pandagon and had a sense of “Oh! Oh! Ohmigod! Oh!” — not so much because of it’s analysis of the breastfeeding issue speficially, but because I’d never thought of this aspect of how the middle class works before. For me, it was very enlightening, and just in case it works like that for anyone else, I thought I’d pass it on.

But it’s also because breast feeding advocacy has been structured around what Barbara Ehrenreich called the “fear of falling”—since middle class people don’t inherit wealth, but they do inherit opportunities, recreating the middle class every generation requires hard work and competition with each other. So parents are deeply invested in getting an edge for their children, and every little thing starts to loom large as the very trick that will put your kids a leg up over everyone else. That’s the carrot—and the stick is the fear that if you skip any of these crucial steps, your child will fail to recreate your middle class life. Breast-feeding also gives people the feeling of control over the situation, and it’s obvious that anything that can be packaged to give middle class parents the feeling that they know best and that they and only they have the power to set their children on the right path will be eaten with a spoon. (That’s why anti-vaccination sentiment—or even the unscientific “spacing the schedule” soft version—is so popular, despite being routinely disproven by science.)

In particular, this part — “since middle class people don’t inherit wealth, but they do inherit opportunities, recreating the middle class every generation requires hard work and competition with each other.” — was an enormous OH! moment for me.

–

Edited to add: Oh, and inasmuch as it matters what my take is on the breastfeeding issue (which is to say, probably not much), I’d like to second Chingona on what she said at Pandagon:

if we go too far in casting this as a purely individual decision, incentives to provide accommodations wither away and women actually end up with no real “choice” in the matter. That’s the situation many poor women and even middle-class women find themselves in right now, and I don’t think there’s anything feminist about enabling that status quo.

I actually think this should be the focus of the majority of feminist blogosphere conversations on breastfeeding. There may be some benefits to formula feeding for mothers who think that it may enhance egalitarianism in *their* (emphasis their) relationships, or for mothers who don’t want to breastfeed — not to mention those who can’t! But there are also definite, proven benefits to breastfeeding, and women of all classes, in all situations, should have access to them. There may be bad feelings going on for both sides of the Mommy War in this mess, but it seems like the structural issues are real screw yous to those choosing to breastfeed — who are challenged on their right to do it in public, and whose livelihoods are structured in such a way so as to make real choice impossible.

I suspect this is actually why breastfeeding advocates sometimes go too far with their rhetoric. They want to impress upon the public *just how necessary* breastfeeding is so that the public will be willing to try to help them ameliorate the structural issues that make breastfeeding difficult. I know personally that I’m appalled by how many of my otherwise-liberal acquaintances recoil at the notion of women breastfeeding toddlers. Those people need to understand that such breastfeeding has been a norm in certain times and places, and that it has benefits. They represent only one segment of an ignorant public that needs education.

So, since the breastfeeding advocates are arguing with such high stakes — stakes that affect real mothers and real children — I think it becomes easy to slip into rhetoric that contributes to the concept of total motherhood perfection. And I do sometimes feel alienated by that rhetoric, as a woman who doesn’t even have children, but who’s thinking about potentially not breastfeeding if I do.

But Chingona’s right in the core of what she says. All that’s basically an interesting, but superfluous, derailment from the real feminist heart of this issue, which should be making sure that as many women as possible have structural access to breastfeeding.

OK, that turned out longer than my original post. Sorry about that.

A few months after my boys were born I stumbled across a message board for twin moms, I really started to enjoy the tips and the sense of community that I gained from reading and posting on the site.  One of the things I enjoyed most was the forum for breastfeeding mothers, which gave me a strong sense of belonging and encouragement, and at that time, I needed encouragement.  Breastfeeding was and is a struggle for me.  I don’t know how things would be different if I was trying to feed only one baby, but I know breastfeeding two babies is one of the hardest things I have done.  While the Mommy message board is a great source of support for breastfeeding, it’s also a place where many of the most contentious elements of motherhood and womanhood are laid bare.  Sometimes it’s the stereotypical Mommy Wars– women in the paid labor force and women not in the paid labor force– but one of the more contentious debates is the bottle vs. breast debate.

As Hugo points out one subset of the Mommy Wars, is the “boob wars”:

And I’ve become aware of what might, for lack of a better term, be called the “boob war” — a sub-conflict within the larger “Mommy War” that continues to rage, exasperating and frightening and dividing women. And into this fight comes a bombshell article in the new Atlantic Monthly: Hanna Rosin’s The Case Against Breastfeeding. More on the article later. (Cap taps, belatedly and with apologies, to Rod Dreher and to Scott.)

The term “Mommy Wars” generally refers to the public and private debates, common among the middle and upper-middle classes of the developed world, about what makes a “good” mother. For years, the chief front in these wars has been the battle over daycare and work outside the home, though other conflicts rage in areas like nutrition and natural childbirth….

I read the Rosin piece; someone posted it on the twin Mommy board.  I felt a great deal of sympathy for the mother who posted it.  She said it helped her to feel less guilt about not breastfeeding, and from that point a discussion ensued with many formula feeding mother’s talking about how they feel that breastfeeding mothers are looking upon them unfavorably.

I’ll be frank; I don’t like the article, but there is one part of the article that stands out as true to me¹ :

In her critique of the awareness campaign, Joan Wolf, a women’s-studies professor at Texas A&M University, chalks up the overzealous ads to a new ethic of “total motherhood.” Mothers these days are expected to “optimize every dimension of children’s lives,” she writes. Choices are often presented as the mother’s selfish desires versus the baby’s needs.

I have a great deal of empathy with mothers today who are striving to mother under a mothering ideology that demands perfection.  What I also find fascinating is how both breastfeeding and formula feeding mothers really have the same underlying feelings; both groups feeling that their decision on infant feeding is not respected.  Anytime these kinds of issues come up the Mommy board mantra is “do what works for you” “don’t judge each other’s parenting.”  The down side is that this places limitations on honest communications between these mothers, and the upside is that mother’s, who are already operating under ideology that demands parenting perfection, feel validated.

Nevertheless, topics like this are hotly contested on Mommy boards, and one thing I find most fascinating is that many Mommies blame each other, not the dominant ideology.  Here’s how I respond to the debate over this article on the Mommy board:

Women’s “choices” are often very heavily scrutinized, I wouldn’t say it’s primarily from women but from the entire society, and the hidden radical feminist in me says it’s because women as a class are not truly free. Every behavior that we engage in is held to a different set of standards than our male counterparts, and as you say we damned if we do and damned if we don’t. The can be extended to the abortion debate, the SAHM (stay at home mom) vs. working mom debate, debates over women and domestic violence, debates over women and plastic surgery, debates over hormone replacement therapy, and the list could go on and on. And I guess what bothers me is that we consistently divide women into dichotomies–e.i. virgins/w*hores, good girls and bad girls, bi*ches and nice girls. Thus, all of our behaviors are viewed in this context. I use the term choices loosely because I think that society convinces us that we have more choices than we really do. So many of our behaviors (or “choices”) occur in a societal context where we are so heavily scrutinized that our freedom is limited. It’s limited by peer pressure, it’s limited by sexism; it’s limited by patriarchal ideology; it’s limited by bottom line capitalism; it’s limited by racism; it’s limited by poverty; and I’m sure I could come up with a host of other factors that tell us “choices” are not just personal decisions.

Unfortunately this is where this crabs in a barrel problem comes in because we all feel heavily scrutinized but rather than blaming the social system that creates this mess we blame each other, and no matter what our so called “choice,” the constraints on our full personhood are still there.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t also say that constraints on mothering are radically different in diverse groups of women.  For example, the breastfeeding vs. formula feeding debate has much different meaning for middle and upper income white women living in the US than it does for poor women of color in developing countries.  The the structures of gender, race, class, sexuality, and nationhood operate simultaneously.

I’m not one who think women all have to tow the line and agree with each other, but what gets lost in translation is how social forces much greater than us shape our “choices” to formula feed, breastfeed, or combo feed our kids.

1. I have several critiques of the Atlantic Monthly article that I would like to touch on in another post. (back)

The Health Select Committee has just recommended extending paid parental leave to six months, to encourage breast feeding.

As a supporter of paid parental leave (or, more accurately, as someone who believes that paid parental leave doesn’t go nearly far enough and that parenting should be resourced as the work it is) I should be happy.

Here’s the reason the Health Select Committee has decided breastfeeding is important:

The promotion of breastfeeding for at least the first six months, and preferably for the first year, is widely recommended, as it has an important protective role against obesity during childhood and adolescence, and may also protect mothers against obesity and diabetes.

Apparently women are en-slimmening machines. The main value of our breast-feeding, indeed of parenting in the first six months, is preventing fat cells.

This is from the report into obesity and type 2 diabetes; I may write more later. Although what I actually want to do to the report is to batter it, deep fry it, and then slather it with icing.

Some paparazzi took pictures of actress Maggie Gyllenhaal breastfeeding her child in public. Somehow I missed this, when the “scandalous” photos were taken a couple weeks ago. They are posted all over the place at entertainment blogs. I thought I would pick out a few choice comments from sexist pigs for your reading (dis)pleasure.

Here are some comments from A Socialite’s Life

Here’s one from Conrad:

I am sure plenty of women find this beautiful, but thats a beauty that needs to be shared between mother and child in a quiet, discreet location. She had to know 1 million plus ASL readers would be viewing this spectacle. I never had much of an opinion of her, but now I know she’s an animal. It reminds of that childhood question - “what’s grosser than gross…”

Another from What Betheny said:

Gross. I like her, but this picture is gross. There are more private ways to breastfeed your baby in this country. We’re not living in Africa. I can’t stand the self-righteous breastfeeding moms who just show absolutely everything without thinking for one minute that just maybe not everyone is comfortable with seeing their body parts and their child sucking off of them. It’s a personal bond between you and your baby, so make if personal.

Now here is the good news: most people on the thread were supportive (at least the last time I read the comments a week ago).

Then, you have this site, where they put up a not safe for work warning and blurred out her breast (But apparently the pictures in this post are A-OK). Here are a few of the comments (out of 490+).

From eva:

hmmm… imo if you want to breastfeed in public, pump your tits at home, bottle it, and feed them that way.

From combustion8:

shes so ugly… look at that puppy sag.

From Frenchie:

Ewww…not good. She could have covered up a bit with a blanket. I know it’s a natural act but that is pretty tacky. Her tit hanging all over the place is not natural. She should be more conscientious of not offending the general public by being more subtle.

From Rebecca:

Discusting! I’ve seen women do that before but at least they had the decency to cover their breasts. What a freakin peasant! Yes breastfeeding is natural but so is urinating and defecating, does this mean we’ll catch people doing that in public too? This is what I call no self-respect. (Gee where has Rachel heard this one before.)

I couldn’t bare to read through all of the comments. This thread had many breastfeeding defenders even though it wasn’t quite as pro-breastfeeding as the other thread.

The fact that this was covered as a controversy reflects anti-breastfeeding attitudes. A few sites treated it as such, and I found a few that put disclaimers admonishing people to behave. A Hollywood actress is feeding her child in a public place should be a non-issue, and I even hesitated to post this. However, people do need to be reminded that many anti-breastfeeding attitudes are puritanical, sexist, and unhealthy. I think the number of commenters who feel the need to personally attack Gyllenhaal commenting on her appearance, her sexuality, and her morality (or supposed lack there of) is indicative of why breastfeeding is such an important feminist issue.

Shout Out to Jennifer at Black Breastfeeding Blog!

Young Woman (YW): Excuse me? I’m making a baby area, but I forget to make a sign before I left my house.

Amp: You want me to make you a sign? Sure.¹

YW: Thanks! It should say “Mothers Room” in big letters. We’re going to make the parlor room a quiet area for feeding babies.

Amp: Okay.

YW: And below that, in smaller letters, can you put “for mothers and their young children?”

Amp: No problem. But what happens if a father wants to bottle-feed his baby?²

YW: Well, we don’t want to get too PC here.

Amp: You’re already setting up a nursing room, which is pretty PC of you.

YW: Nonono, it’s a “mother’s room.” A lot of people weren’t sure it’s all right to have nursing in church, so we’re calling it a mother’s room.

Amp: Oh.

To be fair, there are plenty of people in the church group who are very hip and liberal and play acoustic guitar and (if male) wear stylish stubble. But sometimes the culture shock still takes me by surprise…

1. This is a common request at my job, so I have a bunch of sign formats saved on the office computer. (back)
2. In retrospect, this was a stupid question; given how conservative these folks are, of course they don’t want any men in an area where mothers are breastfeeding. This didn’t occur to me at the time, probably because none of the nursing moms I’ve hung out with hesitated to nurse their babies in a mixed crowd. (back)

From the Lactivist blog:

I want to make it clear to my readers that based off of our contact with the staff at the National Pork Board it is quite clear to me that they were extremely upset that anyone would feel they were not supportive of nursing mothers. The fact that the staff has dug into their own pockets in order to make a contribution strikes me as extremely generous and I think that they should be applauded for their response to this issue.

Now, this is where YOU come in once again.

It’s quite clear that bad news travels fast. The question is, will good news travel as well?

We all know how rare it is these days for a big corporation to admit that they’re wrong. Rarer yet, is the group of executives that are willing to dig into their own pockets to make a donation to right a wrong. (So much easier to dip into the corporate coffers and to write it off as a business expense.) If we’re going to lambaste the companies that behave poorly, we must celebrate the companies that do the right thing.

So my request is this… Help me spread the word about a company that not only admitted their mistake, but that quickly worked to come together in an act of good will that will benefit the countless babies and families that benefit from the work of the Mother’s Milk Bank of Ohio. Take a moment and write a letter of thanks to the same email addresses that you fired off your letter of fury to. Take a simple moment to say “thanks.”

This is one of those stories I could not make up. Here’s a quote from the Lactivist:

Yep, you read that right. The Lactivist is being threatened with a lawsuit.

Why? Because I was selling a shirt that said “the other white milk.”

First, a little background if you’re new to the site. The Lactivist is a blog about breastfeeding and human milk banking. It’s mostly a gathering place for breastfeeding moms to come and share their thoughts and experiences and to keep up to date on the latest issues in the fight for the rights of a child to eat in public. To help fund the site (and to raise money for the non-profit milk banks) I have a CafePress store that sells t-shirts with funny pro-breastfeeding slogans. Things like “Milk on Tap” and “That’s my baby’s lunch you’re staring at.”

Thus…the shirt that read “the other white milk.”

I received a letter this morning from Jennifer Daniel Collins, an attorney at Faegre & Benson that represents The National Pork Board. It stated, for the most part, that my use of the phrase “the other white milk” violates their trademark on the phrase “the other white meat.” As such, they’ve demanded that I remove the shirt, demanded that the image of the shirt be removed from any site I know of, demanded that I destroy any shirts that exist with the logo and demand that I not at any point in the future use the phrase in a commercially profitable way.

This makes me want to give up bacon and ham, and pork is damn near my favorite meat.

Please read the entire post, and the subsequent post, which seems a little more optimistic. The Lactivist is getting an apology, but they are still trying to “work through the issues.” Go over and show your support!! This is one of the most ridiculous threatened lawsuits I’ve ever heard about.

Thanks to The Anti-essentialist Conundrum for the heads up.

I’m currently trying to revise and expand Lady Madonna for publication as part of an essay collection, and I just had this thought.

Noting the similarities between me and a classical image of Madonna and Child is harmless enough. Concluding that I’m going to behave like the demure Virgin Mary of classical art is a step too far, and resenting me for acting like myself instead of the image is right out of line. Of course, this problem is only loosely connected to gender dysphoria: female-identified mothers suffer in just the same ways. Take the militant lactivists who confuse matters completely by aggressively demanding their right to breastfeed in public, or the mothers through the ages who protest the sacrifice of their children in needless wars.

Is this part of the reason why breastfeeding in public arouses such hostility in some quarters? If it was that perfect submissive Mary (who was delighted to be informed her destiny was to be a vessel, rather than wanting an abortion like these uppity women), she would naturally go elsewhere as soon as she realised she was making someone else uncomfortable. How dare these uppity women go around looking like the Virgin Mary and then refuse to behave like her?

Any thoughts?

The boobs at Delta, that is.¹

See that photo, to the right? That’s Emily Gillette breastfeeding her child (as you can see, she’s virtually dancing topless!). And that sight is apparently sooo offensive that it can’t be allowed on planes. From the Burlington Free Press:

Gillette said she was seated in the second-to-last row, next to the window, when she began to breast-feed her daughter. Breast-feeding helps babies with the altitude changes through takeoff and landings, Gillette said. She said she was being discreet — her husband was seated between her and the aisle — and no part of her breast was showing.

Gillette said that’s when a flight attendant approached her, trying to hand her a blanket and directing her to cover up. Gillette said she told the attendant she was exercising her legal right to breast-feed, declining the blanket. That’s when Gillette alleges the attendant told her, “You are offending me,” and told her to cover up her daughter’s head with the blanket.

“I declined,” Gillette said in her complaint.

Moments later, a Delta ticket agent approached the Gillettes and said that the flight attendant was having the family removed from the flight.

The airline’s behavior is appalling. To make it even worse, this happened in Vermont, where state law says that mothers have the right to breastfeed in public (Queenbadmama has the text of Vermont’s law).

Lactivists haven’t been taking this lying down - they’ve staged a nurse-in, a turn of events Emily Gillette was apparently surprised but pleased by.

MomsRising.org has a petition you can sign, “to tell Delta Airlines to get a clue and be supportive of breastfeeding mothers. And tell Congress it’s time to pass the Breastfeeding Promotion Act, which amends the Civil Rights Act of 1964 to protect breastfeeding mothers.”

As you’d expect, the Momblogs have been covering this story. More blogging on this topic: Queen of the Bad Mommies (who I adore based on her blog name alone!), Blogher, Playground Revolution, Blogging Baby, Mama Knows Breast, The Zero Boss, Mother Talkers (which has a great header image, by the way), Strange As Angels (who is pissed off!), and Aurelia Ann (whose post is titled “Throw Momma From The Plane”).

Thanks to Bean for pointing out this story to me!

[Crossposted at Creative Destruction. If your comments aren’t being approved here, try there.]

1. Freedom Air, actually, but Freedom Air was acting as Delta, or Delta was doing business as Freedom Air, or something. I’ve never quite groked all the little airline intertwining. (back)

From a New York Times article about breastfeeding, class and jobs:

Doctors firmly believe that breast milk is something of a magic elixir for babies, sharply reducing the rate of infection, and quite possibly reducing the risk of allergies, obesity, and chronic disease later in life.

But as pressure to breast-feed increases, a two-class system is emerging for working mothers. For those with autonomy in their jobs — generally, well-paid professionals — breast-feeding, and the pumping it requires, is a matter of choice. It is usually an inconvenience, and it may be an embarrassing comedy of manners, involving leaky bottles tucked into briefcases and brown paper bags in the office refrigerator. But for lower-income mothers — including many who work in restaurants, factories, call centers and the military — pumping at work is close to impossible, causing many women to decline to breast-feed at all, and others to quit after a short time.

It is a particularly literal case of how well-being tends to beget further well-being, and disadvantage tends to create disadvantage — passed down in a mother’s milk, or lack thereof.

It seems that about 1/4 of the readers of this magazine were offended by this cover. I can’t even feign any sort of objectivity on this subject. I usually try to be the semi-neutral academic blogger, but I can’t figure out why people would view breastfeeding as gross, disgusting, or sexual. I just had a big debate between myself and all but 2 (out of 18) of my students on the subject of breastfeeding. The majority of students felt that is was “icky” and should be done in private. Of course these same students also didn’t know about the health benefits of breastfeeding, how often it needs to be done, and the numerous studies showing that breast milk is generally healthier than infant formula. They were clueless. Now I’m an educator, and I have come to expect this sort of reaction; however, it is usually a small but vocal minority of students, not the vast majority of the class. The funny thing is that these are the same people who are not the least bit offended at the latest Maxim cover or numerous pictures of Pam Anderson with her breasts equally exposed, but suddenly when breasts are used for what they are actually for people get loopy.

The magazine was reporting on a survey from the American Dietetic Association, and the findings of that study are even more depressing:

The picture in Babytalk was aimed at illustrating the controversy surrounding breastfeeding in the United States, where a national survey by the American Dietetic Association found that 57 percent of those polled are opposed to women breastfeeding in public and 72 percent think it is inappropriate to show a woman breastfeeding on television programs.

So most of the people in this random sample survey think that women should not breastfeed in public (I wonder if the survey asked how many opposed those Maxim covers???).

The good news is that in spite of the general opposition to breastfeeding in public, most states (32) have laws allowing women to breast feed anywhere. However, there are still states that do not have such laws, and more laws are need to protect breast feeding mothers and their children. Here is a brief summary of some of the breastfeeding laws from the National Council of State Legislatures:

• Thirty two states allow mothers to breastfeed in any public or private location (California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Maryland, Minnesota, Missouri, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, Oklahoma, Ohio, Oregon, Rhode Island, South Dakota, Utah, Texas, Vermont and Virginia). Fifteen states exempt breastfeeding from public indecency laws (Alaska, Florida, Illinois, Michigan, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, North Carolina, Oklahoma, Rhode Island, South Dakota, Utah, Virginia, Washington and Wisconsin).
• Ten states have laws related to breastfeeding in the workplace (California, Connecticut, Georgia, Hawaii, Illinois, Minnesota, Rhode Island, Tennessee, Texas, and Washington).
• Ten states exempt breastfeeding mothers from jury duty (California, Idaho, Illinois, Iowa, Kansas, Minnesota, Nebraska, Oklahoma Oregon and Virginia).
• Four states have implemented or encouraged the development of a breastfeeding awareness education campaign (California, Illinois, Missouri, and Vermont).Nevertheless, it is still shocking to see such a low level of support for breastfeeding in the general public.

Nevertheless, the controversy over the cover and the ADA survey indicate that the social support system for breastfeeding is lacking. In spite of the numerous medical and social benefits to breastfeeding, there still seems to be a notion that breastfeeding should be hidden from public view.

Here’s More Info. on Breastfeeding Rights:

A Summary of States’ Breastfeeding Laws from the National Council of State Legislatures.

La Leche League Summary of Breastfeeding legislation.

Many discussions on Alas have boiled down to the idea that much would be solved if people would just begin to trust women. Trust in their intentions, trust in their motivations and trust in their decisions. The simple phrase ‘trust women’ has been introduced in conversations about rape and abortion consistently here, and even highlighted in one of Maia’s stories as she reminisced about a banner that was in her high-school that really spoke to her. It’s this phrase that resonated with me when I came across a story via my parenting group that launched the blog of Chris Musser, who has dubbed herself the ‘reluctant lactivist’.

So yeah, I’m going to launch into another one of my rants about the importance of supporting mothers in their decisions to breastfeed their children. Here goes.

Reluctant was out a few weeks ago at Gateway Freddie’s (Fred Meyers) shopping, when much to her inconvenience, her wee one of three months decided he was hungry. They do that to you, and they don’t do it on your preferred schedule, but their own ““ fancy that. Having to maneuver herself, her three month old and her three year old daughter, she looked around for a safe and contained place to nurse her son so she could get on with her shopping. She chose a bench near the check-out. And guess what happened then ““ you’d be right if you said rude people happened, but it wasn’t enough that customers wanted to be asshats, management decided to get a piece of the action too.

On April 4th I sat down on a bench at the Gateway Fred Meyer to nurse my two-month-old son. It was about five o’clock on a busy Tuesday afternoon. The last place I wanted to be nursing was in that spot as it was noisy and distracting, but at the time, I couldn’t think of better place to attend to my baby’s needs. I also had my rather flighty three-year-old daughter with me, so wandering around the store to find a quieter spot would’ve left me instead chasing a toddler while carrying a bawling baby. [...]

After nursing for five minutes or so, my son seemed comfortable enough for us to start shopping. As I reached into my bag to get my sling, Troy Hardig, Gateway Store Director, approached me. He had a weird look on his face and as I was trying to figure out why he was approaching me when he opens with, “Oh, good. You’re getting a blanket.” He told me there had been complaints about my nursing, not that he minded, but that some people were offended. I was so stunned I couldn’t think of what to say, except to remind him that Oregon law protects a mother’s right to nurse in public. I felt absolutely humiliated. His comments left me feeling like I’d been doing something lewd.

Reluctant spent a few days feeling mortified before letting her very righteous anger replace the hurt, and she contacted one of the regional operations managers, and here’s what he had to say:

Unbelievably, when I spoke with Todd Heinle, Fred Meyers East Portland/SW Wash Operations Supervisor, a couple days later about the incident, he supported the store manager’s claim that I should have been more “discreet” and that three people had complained.

Now, my heart went out to Reluctant, but I also became severely pissed off when I read this. While it isn’t the closest or primary shopping place for our family, it is right smack dab in front of our doctor’s office so we do in fact go there. Well, did go there prior to this anyways (though I admit, Maddox has an appointment on Wednesday afternoon, and I’m ever so tempted to drop in and nurse her on that damn bench as an act of solidarity and support for Reluctant).

The story got the attention of KATU news, which did a good job of supporting nursing women by interviewing Reluctant while she nursed her son. And while Fred Meyer has at least offered a lame ‘oops, that shouldn’t have happened’, they get no cookie from this breastfeeding mother until they decisively make it clear to the public and to their employees that nursing mothers are not only welcome, but to be treated with respect and dignity. Reluctant has made a blog entry for people who want to offer support to her and other breastfeeding women by speaking out to Fred Meyer.

Following the links around, my favorite comments were from a woman named Marrit Ingram, who offered this:

American people want their lives to be totally antiseptic. We want to float around all day long in our individual bubbles of privacy and personal comfort. The world is our living room, and we want everyone on their company manners. If you don’t like mothers and babies, then by all means they should be expected to hide from you and not offend. It’s their problem, not yours. What’s a three-month-old doing in a store anyway? Aren’t you supposed to be on house arrest? Don’t you know that children annoy all the Real People who have a right to assembly? You might inconvenience someone.

These are strange times. Women are losing our reproductive rights, but we’re expected to raise children entirely in private without burdening anyone.

This got longer than I intended, but I’ll close with a customization of the rant I opened with, even though I know I’m mostly preaching to the converted:

Trust women that breastfeed to know when their child needs to be fed. Trust women to not be breastfeeding their child out of a malicious need to cause others discomfort, but rather solely for the nourishment and well-being of her child. Trust women when they decide the best place for the child to be fed when needing to nurse them in a public area. Trust women.

And beyond that, give ‘em a fucking break already.

This is an edited version of an essay that first appeared on The Iron-On Line

Although my baby’s still a few months away from eating anything other than amniotic fluid, my midwife has already asked whether I’ve decided how I’m going to feed him or her when the time comes. Knowing several mothers who fully intended to breastfeed but found they couldn’t, I’m not willing to carve a decision in stone until I have experience to draw on, but I’ve made my provisional decision. It’s at once straightforward and complicated: unless it proves physically impossible, I’m going to breastfeed.

Of the many benefits of breastfeeding, the one that sways me most is the amount of equipment I could then manage without. Bottles, teats, sterilisers, bottle brush - on my budget, anything I can cross off my shopping list is one less thing to worry about. By contrast, I already have the equipment I need to breastfeed, and it seems wasteful not to use it.

Convenience is also a factor. Making up a bottle sounds as though it needs a great deal of care and precise measuring, which is not at all my strong suit. Breastfeeding, once you’ve mastered the technique, doesn’t require any preparation, and your body adjusts the supply without conscious effort. And if I want to continue with activities I’ve enjoyed pre-parenthood, my baby carried along in a sling, I don’t need to haul the full bottlefeeding kit everywhere I go. I just need to find a comfortable place to feed, preferrably out of sight of people who are offended by the sight of a breast being used for the purpose nature intended rather than to sell deodorant.

The complications only come in because of my gender identity. I don’t enjoy having larger breasts that can’t easily be hidden, but the swelling is a result of pregnancy, whether I choose to breastfeed or not. Now they’re swollen, I can put them to good use, or I can have them sitting uselessly on my chest. Not the most difficult decision I ever made.

Other people insist on seeing difficulty there. I can understand why breastfeeding is seen as such a female thing, but men can breastfeed too. Breast tissue is pretty much the same in both sexes, so with the right hormones, anyone can theoretially produce milk. I know most men would be disgusted if they lactated, but how much of that is simply down to the fact that breastfeeding has “girl cooties”?

And in any case, I’m hardly a typical man. I’ve considered taking hormones to make me look and sound a little more male, but I never wanted surgery. I was born with a female body, and no matter what surgery I undergo, it’s never going to be capable of all the things a male body can do. I’ve made my peace with that fact, and I can appreciate all the female things it can do as a kind of compensation. If it weren’t for my female parts, I wouldn’t be getting this baby, and I happen to believe that being able to feed said baby using just my own body is a skill worth having.

Other people, of course, will see me differently. When they look at me, they’ll see a classical picture of mother and child, a symbol of femininity and motherhood in action. And within their own heads, they’re perfectly welcome to see that. It’s only if they start forming expectations of me based on that image or getting angry because I fail to live up to those expectations that there’s a problem, and I see it as their problem rather than mine.

Deciding how to feed my baby shouldn’t be a big deal. I shouldn’t have to explain myself to psychiatrists who can’t break out of the pink-box/blue-box view of gender for long enough to understand that gender dysphoria is not incompatible with a healthy pregnancy. There shouldn’t be any suggestion that my gender identity and the best interests of my baby are somehow in conflict. That the suggestion recurs so often makes me both angry and sad, but I see it as a problem with the world and not with me.

For myself, and for my baby, I know which way I want to go. And at least for the time being, that’s good enough.

Breastfeeding and the need for strong societal support is a topic that was discussed at length in a prior post of mine, dealing with comments made by media maven Barbara Walters on her women’s talk show, The View. In the midst of the rather heated discussion, it became evident that many people aren’t aware of the numerous ways that breastfeeding can and does benefit women, children and society in general.

Knowing this, I’ve decided to compile a list of these benefits, and encourage and welcome others to add to the list. I’d also like to take a moment to encourage people who choose to read and participate in this thread to challenge their own ideas about ‘modesty’ and consider how these ideas might interfere with the larger issue of necessary support. If you get that far, please then take the time to introspect on whether you might need to do some work on incorporating new ways of thinking about this issue into your own mindset to become part of a society that understands, supports and celebrates the value of breastfeeding.

Also keep in mind that lack of support can and does perpetuate a negative feeling over an issue that new parents, especially mothers are very vulnerable about. It is all too frequent that women stop breastfeeding because they were made to feel embarassed or as if they were doing something so shameful it needed to be hidden from view. This sort of message simply isn’t healthy or productive. We as a society can improve the lives of women and children by such a small act of support which translates to acceptance and approval that helps a woman own her new post-pregnant body and it’s capabilities with pride and joy. In supporting these women, society too can feel a sense of pride and joy in our own embracing of respectful and honorable behavior towards both women and children.

*Note/Disclaimer: To make it clear in advance, this is not to say that bottle feeding parents should feel any shame for their choice (or need, whichever it was), to nourish their children through formula. As with most specifically female functions, I remain steadfast in my own feelings that it’s a woman’s body and a woman’s choice.

Benefits to the child:

1. Breast milk contains all the nutrients babies need each day, plus many substances that help keep them healthy and promote optimal growth and development.
2. Breastfed babies have a decreased likelihood for allergies and dental caries.
3. Breastfeeding helps a baby with appropriate jaw, teeth and speech development as well as overall facial development.
4. Breast milk changes and conforms to the babies needs day to day (according to some studies hour to hour!).
5. The taste of breast milk changes based on the mothers diet, and help encourage lack of pickiness in particular tastes.
6. Breast milk is quick and easy to digest which translates into less colic, no constipation and less spitting up.
7. Due to it’s fast disgestive rate, babies who are breastfed have a smaller chance of SIDS due to a REM cycle of 45 minutes - in one study only 3 of 87 incidents of babies whom died from SIDS were breastfed.
8. Breastfed babies have a reported and documented lower incidence of illness (10 time less than that of bottlefed babies), hospitalization, ear infections, bladder infections, allergies, diaper rash and exzema, lower incidence of type 1 diabetes, lower incidence in childhood cancers such as Hodgkins and lymphoma.
9. Due to body proximity is more easily soothed, especially with the skin to skin contact and familiar in-utero sound of the mothers heartbeat and voice.
10. Female’s that are breastfed have a significantly reduced chance of breast cancer in adulthood.
11. Breastfeeding confers passive immunity to viruses.
12. Breastfeeding enhances brain development, neurological development and visual development.

Benefits to the Mother:

1. Breastfeeding releases oxitocin and prolactin in the mothers brain helping bonding occur (studies state similar to obsessive compulsives humorously enough).
2. Breastfeeding provides the mother with a hormone-induced contentment and reduces the rate of post-pardum emotional effects.
3. Breastfeeding creates efficient uterine contractions after childbirth which quickly reduces the uterus size to normal which decreases post-partum bleeding.
4. Breastfeeding is convenient - the milk is pre-warmed, sterilized and always available as long as the mother is nearby!
5. Breastfeeding is HUGELY cost-effective and saves families money.
6. Breastfeeding helps foster confidence, body acceptance and promotion of self-esteem in new mothers.
7. Breastfeeding reduces the incidence of urinary tract infections in mothers.
8. Breastfeeding significantly decreases the rate of reproductive cancers in women (breast, ovarian, cervical).
9. Breastfeeding lowers the incidence of chronic hepatitis among women.
10. Breastfeeding reduces the risk of osteoporosis in women.
11. Breastfeeding reduces the requirements of insulin for lactating diabetic mothers.
12. Breastfeeding often acts as a natural form of birthcontrol (don’t count on it though!) for women. *The reliability of this goes down upon introducing other types of food into the diet.
13. Since nightfeedings are easier, breastfeeding promotes a healthier sleep schedule for new parents.
14. Breastfeeding is an excellent way to comfort an infant whenever they need it. *My husband and I took advantage of this after shots and during plane rides with great success!

Benefits to Society:

1. It’s one step closer to helping society have respect for women and sex, instead of sexualizing and trying to control women’s bodies and the perceptions of women’s bodies.
2. Breastfeeding is better for the environment because it has an absence of waste.
3. Happy, contented children who are easily comforted.
4. Frequently healthy children which help working parents need less time away from work (studies indicate parents of breastfed children take less time away due to sickness).
5. Free’s up health resources for others who need it by naturally seeing to the babies needs.
6. Promotes a sense of pride and body acceptance in women that can only be seen as a good change!
7. It works hand in hand with other social programs to save money for other important needs - WIC statistics indicate that if all babies on the program in the U.S. were breastfed, our economical savings would be
8. $33,000,000 per month!
9. Reduced insurance premiums for child and parents.

Benefits on a plane (just for Barbara Walters!):

1. Babies ears are kept equalized causing less discomfort, potential for ruptures and inflammation.
2. Due to it’s ability to soothe a baby, they are less fussy and noisy (see, breastfeeding can still be all about how it affects you, Barbara, if you look at it in the right light!)
   

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Benefits that I forgot But Others Didn’t!:

1. Maynard reminds us that breastmilk bowel movements are extremely mild in scent, making the diaper changing process easier on the nose! (amen to that one, Maynard!)
2. Krupskaya breastfeeding closeness and contact makes mothers and infants happy because it just feels good darnit!
3. Maureen adds that breastfeeding reminds the world that breasts are amazing multi-functional tools whose success does not in any way depend on shape or size (other than inverted nipple issues), which in turn might mean less women subjecting themselves to needlessly dangerous breast augmentations.
4. Barbara Preuninger mentions that breastfeeding can create a wonderful bond between parent and child unlike any other.
5. CCW mentions she slept better because she could sleep through the feeding!
6. Lee reminds us that breastfeeding makes mothers the lucky winners of many wonderful baby-hugs!
7. La Luba relates her own experience with her daughter being born premature and the many ways breastfeeding helped her: “breastfeeding has special benefits for premature infants, including lowered incidence of RSV, respiratory ailments, necrotizing enterocolitis, and sepsis. As adults, both breastfed women and men are less likely to experience infertility.”
8. Ledasmom points out that nobody appreciates a breast in a manner that promotes such healthy esteem as a baby that loves them completely and unconditionally! (to quote my own daughter, Sydney: “Bahboo?” shortly followed by amazingly happy muffled laughing)
9. Ol Cranky relates that she’s heard (which I’ve read as well) that it lowers the rate of post-partum depression.
10. Barbara talks about her experience with breastfeeding and it’s benefits with her preemie baby as well, and mentions that despite the odds, her daughter had extremely low incidence of illness, which she attributes to breastfeeding.
11. Jodie mentions the very real and tangible benefit to the pocketbook - IT’S FREE!
12. Sarah mentions that as a bystander, it’s much easier to handle a breastfeeding mother and baby than a screaming baby in distress!

*NOTE: I’ve gathered information from so many websites on the Internet, I feel the task of listing them all is extremely daunting. If you have questions or want to find more information, here are the google phrases I used: emotional benefits of breastfeeding, physical benefits of breastfeeding, breastfeeding benefits to the baby, breastfeeding benefits to the mother.

A new group of activists have joined the fray of fighting for women’s rights; their goal to nurse without shame or scorn where and when they choose or need. Cleverly touting themselves as ‘lactivists’, they’ve put Barbara Walters under fire due to some insensitively ignorant comments made by the long-time reporter and current co-host of ‘The View’. On the May 17th show new mother and co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck returned to the show and the discussion turned to her discomfort at nursing her daughter Grace. When the topic of breastfeeding was brought up, Walters related a story about a recent plane trip she’d taken, where a woman sitting in the next aisle over nursed her child. Walters stated: “It made me very nervous, she didn’t cover the baby with a blanket. It made us uncomfortable.” Further offense was taken at what was perceived to be an almost celebratory or congratulatory response to Hasselbeck’s decision to give her daughter formula.

According to the NYTimes, nearly 200 protesting mothers showed up quickly afterwards, babies and boobies ready to fire back at Walters insensitive comments with what is referred to as a ‘nurse-in.’

They stood nursing their babies in the unmistakably public venue of Columbus Avenue and West 67th Street. They held signs reading, “Shame on View,” and “Babies are born to be breastfed.” [...]

But the rally at ABC is only the most visible example of a recent wave of “lactivism.” Prodded by mothers who say they are tired of being asked to adjourn to the bathroom while nursing in a public space, six states have recently passed laws giving a woman the right to breast-feed wherever she “is otherwise authorized to be.”

Adding further insult onto injury, Walter’s spokesman related bemusement at the protests, attempting to dismiss the commentary as singular and not reflective of Walter’s overall view on nursing. Interesting that this isn’t her ‘view,’ when she as a co-host spewed it out for public consumption on the national show, ‘The View.’

Despite the attempt at back-peddling that is going on with ‘The View’ folks, the controversy has had the benefit of generating attention on prejudice and reprehensible behavior towards nursing mothers. These situations getting more discussion time will hopefully lead to greater acceptance and understanding.

In interviews and Internet discussions, hundreds of women recount being asked to stop nursing in public spots, including the Children’s Museum in Huntsville, Ala.; a knitting store in the East Village; a Radisson Hotel lobby in Virginia; a public bus in Los Angeles; and a city commission meeting in Miami Beach.

As a nursing mother, my take on the situation is fairly personal ““ I’m offended at the unaccountable offense. When I nurse my child, I do so for her. Her comfort and hunger are the first priority. The next priority is my comfort while carrying out the task. The last thing I worry about, or should worry about is someone attempting to sexualize (which is where the squeamishness comes from) the tool I use to feed my child.

Additionally, the ignorance about how important nursing on airplanes is for the child is unexpected from a woman reportedly as intelligent as Walters. When it comes to protecting my child’s ear drums from rupturing, or even discomfort, my child is always going to come first. (When she wouldn’t nurse on the plane when we visited my folks at Christmas, the result was a 102.5 temperature and a trip to the emergency room).

So I’ll answer Ms. Walters ‘view’ with a quote from another celebrity that celebrated infants and children with more aplomb and grace:

“I will do it on a plane; I will do it in the rain. I will do it here or there, I will do it anywhere.” ““ Dr. Suess

(Related links: Feministe, Ms. Musings and The Freewheelin’ Kim-Loi Mergenthaler.)

Getupgrrl at Chez Miscarriage has been doing an amazing series of posts on what she terms “mother drive-bys.”

It began with this post, a totally excellent, kick-ass feminist critique of Judith Warner’s are-we-mothering-too-much book Perfect Madness.

That post generated a lot of response. Getupgrrl observed:

So as I read through your voluminous tomes, my eyes riveted to the screen, I began to notice a pattern. A theme, if you will. A leitmotif, which was this: apparently, other mothers frequently say crappy things to you about your mothering. [...]

So here’s what I want to know from you folks: have you ever been the victim of a mother drive-by? And if so, what happened?

Please, no psychological theories, sociological analyses, or political opinions. I want personal anecdotes and factual stories only, the weirder the better.

351 reader comments later (and counting), Getupgrrl’s readers delivered. The stories are funny, infuriating, shocking, and numerous. Here’s a few samples, but I recommend looking through the whole thread:

I just had a baby two weeks ago. My (male) obgyn actually asked my husband if it was ok if he did an episiotomy! Like, it’s my husband’s vagina? I was too busy actually giving birth to respond but I wish I could have kicked him in the face.

* * *

I was out and about with my then two year old Sara, who has Down Syndrome. A complete stranger asked me about her “condition”. I told him she had Down’s. He made some “tsk, tsk” noise and told me that I should have had an abortion, and how she would be a drain on society, and then walked off. My jaw was completely on the ground by that point and the tears were not far behind.

* * *

We are sitting at the table of our close friends of 10 years, I think we had been playing cards. I had made a comment about nursing my 2 year old son and my friend says, “I think thats disgusting,” with this really evil mean face. But the weird part is when we were saying goodbye, her husband hugged me goodbye and whispered in my ear how he thought it was great and he wouldn’t mind nursing me either.

* * *

Her: Why are you not breastfeeding?

Me: I tried for 6 months, I pumped and fed her from an SNS, I tried to get her to latch every day for 6 months, I went to 5 different LCs. I finally gave up. She just won’t latch on.

Her: Well….. You just didn’t try hard enough.

And on, and on, and on. It’s amazing, how many people see someone else’s baby as a invitation to criticize. Breast feeding (both pro and con) and the stay at home mom/working mom conflict are particular hotspots.

In Getupgrrl’s next post, she highlighted some of the funnier snappy answers from the mother drive-by thread. My favorite (but read the whole thing, they’re all funny):

“I don’t know how you can put that baby in day care. Why did you even have a child if you weren’t going to raise her yourself?”

“We needed someone who could fetch the TV remote when we were too drunk to get off the couch and find it.”

And then there’s Getupgrrl’s most recent post, in which she reveals that “as hard as it is to believe, some women posted on the drive-by thread in order to make a drive-by.” The entire post is worth reading, but I particularly liked this bit, in response to a letter-writer infuriated at seeing some children (gasp!) mittenless in winter or (choke!) drinking apple juice (”which is not juice but sugar water - read the label”):

The empirical literature on childhood risk and resilience has now confirmed Winnicott’s original theory of “good enough” mothering: if a child is exposed to adequate parenting - not perfect parenting, not parenting that demands stewed organic peas for dinner every night, not parenting that requires a flurry of maternal solicitation at the first sign of whimpering discontent, just reasonably good parenting - the child’s development will not be impeded or hindered. Human beings are a resilient, hardy lot. If children needed an obsessed parent’s dilated pupils to be fixed on them all day in order to thrive, the human race would have died out long ago.

Just go to Chez Miscarriage and start reading from the top, is my advice.

Probably the rank sexist inequality lurking behind all this - that fathers aren’t expected to do equal childcare time (by and large), or put in a damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don’t position regarding staying at home or working - is too obvious to need mentioning. Right?

Via Belle at Crooked Timber, who in turn got it from Making Light.

Someone emailed me asking about this situation. A friend of hers - who works, I believe, in academia - has a colleague on maternity leave, “but insisted on attending the interviews of job candidates for a position in their department.” At the meeting, she nursed the entire time - the baby was hungry, and would have made noise otherwise.

So the person wondered - what do I think of this?

This was on a mailing list. Virtually everyone on the list agreed that it was wrong for her to bring a nursing infant into that meeting. One of the other folks suggested it was just as inappropriate to bring a nursing baby to a business meeting as it would have been to bring a dog or a gameboy.

But a baby is not comparable to a dog, or a gameboy, either of which can under ordinary circumstances be left unsupervised for an hour or two.

Under ordinary circumstances, an infant requires constant care. (Even when my six-month-old nephew is put to bed, one of his parents always has the sound monitor on hand.) Infants require caretakers, continuously. To say that an infant is inappropriate at a business meeting is to say, therefore, that people who care for infants are inappropriate at business meetings.

In my opinion, the no-babies-at-meetings ethic is leftover from an older and sexist world; one in which jobs (and notions of what is and isn’t “appropriate” at meetings) were created with the assumption that careers belonged to men who had wives at home to take care of all the childrearing stuff. We don’t live in that world any longer (and good riddance!).

There are already large barriers between being a caretaker and having a career, barriers that are a large part of what causes the wage gap between men and women. Some of those barriers we can’t do anything about (other than encourage men to take up a fair share of the caretaking burden). Non-caretakers will always have more spare time and energy to devote to their careers than caretakers; there are, after all, only so many hours in the day.

But the barriers we can do something about - such as an irrational belief that business cannot be conducted with a nursing infant in the room - we should get rid of. A meeting to hire a new faculty member is essential; who is hired determines a lot about the future direction of the department. Saying that a parent-with-infant cannot attend such a meeting is an unfair burden on parents, and - until we have a society in which men do an equal share of caretaking - de facto discrimination against women.

I do agree that having an infant in meetings will create a small discomfort for some co-workers. But that’s very tiny compared to the inconvenience suffered by parents of infants if caretakers are forbidden from attending essential meetings.

I anticipate some objections:

1) She could have hired a baby-sitter.

My answer: She’s already sacrificing her maternity leave time to attend this meeting, now she has to pay goodness-knows-how-much for babysitting? Most likely she’s already stretched her income to its limits - most maternity leave is either partial-pay or unpaid, after all, and new infants are expensive. Plus, for all we know she tried to hire a babysitter but was unable to find a reliable one - finding good babysitters is notoriously difficult.

2) It’s unfair to the job candidate, because he’s not getting the full attention of everyone present.

For all we know, the people there without infants have their minds on the lottery, or on Buffy, or on that ache in their knee. The job candidate will get as much of the attention of the audience as he can hold - and that’s always the case, whether or not an infant is present.

Anyway, I’ve had many meetings and conversations with parents of infants, including nursing moms. It’s simply not true that they’re so distracted that they cannot be expected to follow a presentation or conversation.

3) It’s unfair to the job candidate, because she might be thrown by the sight of an infant (or, worse, breastfeeding)!

Someone who can’t manage to give a good presentation while someone in the room nurses a baby will be a lousy professor anyhow. Being able to speak coherently and maintain concentration despite distracting people in the audience is part of the job (and I’ve seen students act in far ruder and more distracting ways than nursing!); and if one candidate is less able to overcome her distraction than another, then she’s less deserving of the position.

4) It’s rude to breast-feed in public.

No, it’s not.